Choice

He was out of breath and obviously anxious.

“You need to come with me now!” he said sternly.

I was dumbfounded and didn't speak. His eyes were a wild fire.

“I have to get you out of here. Do you understand?”

He took a step closer to me now; I was too frozen to back away, but narrowed my eyes to study him.

“Wha-?” I began, but was cut off by his frustrated yell.

He grabbed me around the waist and my heart stuttered. He began to drag me out the door. I wasn't sure if I should struggle or not.

“What are you doing?” I nearly hollered barely needing to hold my own weight as we staggered down the sidewalk.

“No time.” he grunted.

He wasn't particularly gentle as he lifted and then dropped me on the back of his motorcycle. He swung his leg over just as harshly while starting the engine. Next second we were off, immediately going twenty miles over the speed limit and climbing. I threw my arms around his waist as soon as could after nearly falling off.
I didn't know if I should consider myself kidnapped or rescued. Either way, if I weren’t taken care of properly soon with the correct supplies I wouldn't live too long.

I knew questioning him right now was worthless, on any subject. One he couldn't hear me, two he was very upset about something, and third like he would answer me anyway.

Other than this and my own immediate survival, my mind was blank, fogged.

After so long of not seeing him, I was overwhelmed with his scent and very aware of the warmth of his body between my arms, his heart beating next to my ear.

We were then racing down the country road and he had glanced in his rear view mirror and cursed fiercely, punching the gas, making the bike go even faster.

I cautiously looked behind me wondering what he was having us run from. My eyes widened in horror.

Chasing after us was a black, ghostly figure, flying probably five feet off of the ground and quickly catching up.

I gasped, burying my head into Aiden's back and closing my eyes. My whole body was as tight as I could possibly make it and I began to shake.

“Come on!” Aiden yelled. Pushing the bike to its limits.

I hoped with all my might that we were losing it, but I was too afraid to check.

The terrain that had once been relatively smooth changed beneath me. Becoming rough and bumpy. After a minute or so of this Aiden screamed at the top of his lungs, “Now!”

I gave a shrill gasp as the brakes on the bike were obviously being used and squealing just as well. My hair on my arms stood up and we skidded to a stop and I was nearly thrown from the bike, but luckily landed right up again.

I didn't move feeling us both breathe in short gasps. After a moment Aiden pulled my arms apart and off of him, steadying the bike and getting off. I opened my eyes to see that we were in a garage, or at least I was.
I turned my head to see Aiden quickly walking out a side door, rubbing his neck, leaving me alone.

Was I supposed to stay here?

I got off the bike carefully, not trusting my legs to keep me upright and gently walked across to the doorframe. I peeked around the corner just in time to see Aiden disappear into another door. I then watched my feet, too shy to go any further. A moment or two later he re emerged, not looking at me and stopping in front of a couch on the edge of the small room, fussing with things in his arms.

I watched him quietly finally taking a moment to really look at him as I hadn't had a chance to do for so long. Even in his baggy clothes it was obvious his body was a lot leaner than it had been before. He was more muscled, strong, firm. It had appeared to be a possibility as I could only glance from a distance, and now it was certain. His hair was shorter than the last time I saw it and what little light there was glimmered the thin layer of sweat on the back of his neck. I realized my breathing was shallow and stopped immediately feeling the blood rush to my face. Fool! I thought to myself.

“I know it's late. You can sleep here.” he nearly grunted and I walked up beside him looking at the couch where a pillow and blanket now lay. I grasped it in my hand feeling its worn texture. I kept my head down and mumbled a thank you, looking up as he turned away. In that small moment I gathered his expression: his face was hard and his eyes were cold. I looked away feeling a small amount of moisture come to my eyes. It was so slight that if you had looked at my eyes in that second you couldn't have known how much his expression had hurt me.

He was at the door now checking the locks.

“You have to stay here.” he continued, “Don't leave the house, okay.”

“Okay.” my voice was weak.

“I'll explain everything once my friend gets back.”

“Everything?” even as my face made the pained look I was ashamed of my own vulnerability, especially to him.

He looked up finally actually looking at me with a half stunned expression on his face. His eyebrows then furrowed and he averted his gaze, stalking off to the room he had retrieved the blanket and pillow from. He began to close the door with his back to me and stopped suddenly.

“Yeah.” he said, his voice barely over a whisper, and closed it quietly behind him.

Even though he couldn't see me I nodded my face contorted and I sunk onto the couch beneath me with my face in my hands.

I tried all my best to hold back the tears of my shame and fear. Clumsily, I made my way under the blanket, curling up in myself as tightly as the small couch would allow; my forehead pressed on its back.

I was so afraid.

I was afraid of the explanation he said he would give me and if it would be the truth; though it didn't concern my reason for being here. I was afraid of my own weakness toward him: my trust. He doesn't deserve it. He's shattered it already. How could I still have any left for him? I owed him nothing.

You owe him your life. My other side retorted kindly. Without him, would you know anything of love and what truly matters in this life? Would you be as strong? As mature? Where would you be now without that hope?

I am weak, I am a child. I answered. I would have learned eventually. Probably from Cole.

You don't know that. She said.

Neither do you.

I did everything I could to keep my sobbing silent and I drifted into a restless sleep this way; if that's what I could call it. I was still very aware when the door opened carefully.

I heard Aiden come out of his room just as carefully and who ever entered began to speak in whispers.

“That's who you got?” they asked. “Didn't he threaten you?”

Threaten? Who was threatening Aiden?

It then took me a moment to realize that I recognized the voice to be Cole's. I became even more still than I had been before. I didn't know they knew each other.

It took him a moment, but Aiden replied, “He didn't specify. It very well could have been you.” His voice was heavy, I wasn't sure if it was from sleep or dread in his lie.

So, he intended to keep our past a secret from his friend. Just as I had kept it from Cole.

So be it.

I heard Cole walk up behind me and I tried to relax a little to appear asleep.

“Is she alright?” he asked with genuine concern.

“Yeah.” Aiden grunted.

“What have you told her?”

“That she can't leave the house.” he sounded irritated.

“So nothing then?” his voice wasn't stern, just factual.

“She saw him chasing us.”

“Oh. Well, at least she'll understand that much. She's a smart girl.” he was confident and loving; it only added to my shame.

Aiden didn't reply.

Cole's fingers were suddenly on my face, stroking my cheek gently. I decided it was time to be awake and rolled over slowly to gaze at him with half opened eyes.

“Hey.” his voice was like a lullaby. ”How're you feeling?”

Like I want to die. A tiny voice inside me said.

“I don't know.” I replied, gruffing my voice.

“Do you want us to explain all of this now or once you've rested more?”

I closed my eyes and made a puzzled face, “I don't know?” I said again, a little louder than before.

“Morning then.” he brushed his nose on my forehead and did nothing more.

I made a noise similar to a small moan and turned back to my previous position wanting to cry even more.

“I'm knocking out then.” Cole then said addressing Aiden. “'Night.”

“'Kay.” was all Aiden said.

I heard a door close, but didn't hear any movement from where I thought Aiden was standing. The silence continued for a while longer and I still felt his presence.

“How long?” His voice was a lot closer than I thought he was.

It was then that I realized that he was sitting on the floor against the couch near my head.

I didn't move.

“How long what?” I said quietly, staring into the folds of fabric on the couch and studying with uncaring eyes at the way they weaved together.

“How long have you been together?”

“Not long.” I answered my hands clenched.

“What does he know?”

“He knows that their are a lot of pieces to pick up and a lot of baggage.”

“Why didn't you tell him?”

“It wasn't his burden to bear.”

“How could you do that?” he wondered strained.

“Do what?” I felt a burn in my chest start to grow and a knot tighten, fitting to burst.

“How could you do that to me?”

I exploded and turned on him

“Do that to you?” I shouted to his face. “How dare you! How dare you say that to me when you've done the same thing a hundred times over! That's what I should be saying! I should be asking how you could have betrayed me like you did!”

I was interrupted by his screams. “Betray you?! How did I betray you?!”

I gave a cruel chuckle. “You had one them live with you and I have no doubt that you slept with them as well! That is how you betrayed me and in the worst way! So don't you dare ask me how I could ever have done anything to hurt you!”

I was breathing hard and there was plain shock on his face.

I said it.

I said the accusation that had been eating me alive for months. I sensed no relief in me, only more fear.

“So, it was you?”

We both broke from our stares at each other and looked to see Cole standing in front of a door with even more shock on his face than was on Aiden's. I wondered how long he had been standing there.

He was looking at Aiden. Aiden was now looking at the floor, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth tight.

“You're the one-” Cole began, but he stopped himself striding over to me and gently but firmly pulling me to my feet. 

He walked me into his room and let go, I continued forward until my head found the wall and immediately began to cry, quickly losing my strength to stand and sinking onto my knees to the floor.

The door to the room remained open a moment, but then closed and soon after Cole's bare arms were around me, his cheek on my head as he tried to hush me.

He cautiously turned me around pulling me into him, my head on his chest, and I let him. I didn't have anyone else anymore. Aiden knew I knew the truth and I couldn't deny it any longer. That was the shock that made him speechless.

After a while, I quieted down and Cole picked me up and gently laid me on the bed under the covers laying down next to me but keeping a distance. I sniffed, and buried my face into the pillow and he remained silent. I dazed, drifting in and out of consciousness, but was still awake enough to hear Cole get up and go out of the room.

A moment later I heard his voice in the other room muffled.

“So you're the reason why she's so...reluctant.”

He received no response.

“Why didn't you tell me you two had had something before?”

“I didn't know until now that you were seeing her, and it wasn't my place anyway.” he sounded like he was talking through his teeth.

“Why didn't she tell me anything?”

“She doesn't think it was your burden to bear.”

“Is whatever it is that much of a burden?”

Again he said nothing.

“Well whatever it is...I think she's moved beyond it now. I'm proof of that.”

“Like you know anything about her.” Aiden replied, there was venom in his voice.

It was Cole's turn to burn him, “Knowing her doesn't change the fact that you messed up! You hurt her beyond what her own abilities can mend!” He paused, “But you know what...I'm going to fix her better than ever before.” The smile was obvious in his voice.

A few seconds later he returned moving a little closer to me. I moved and closed the distance, the last lonely tears disappearing. He froze, watching me as I moved my face to his, my lips tracing the outline of his mouth. His lips parted and I took in the sent of his breath. It was unfamiliar, foreign; my senses rejected it, causing me to hesitate. Then I...I let my lips meet his, only a split second before I removed them. He didn't respond and I waited for the sickness: the stabbing pain that I was sure would assail me in my own betrayal, but there was nothing, only the steady beating of my heart. My fear overwhelmed by my curiosity caused me to explore further. I kissed him again, pressing harder and lingering; then repeating the action numerous times begging him to respond.

Cole made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan and then began kissing me back, overpowering me and pushing me down.

Why I suddenly went against everything my heart held on to...all I could think of was that my reason was the same as why I had agreed to date Cole in the first place: Perhaps it was my only redemption; the only way I could let go of him and all the pain I still had in my heart. As they say: You never stop loving someone you only love someone else.

Who am I to argue with what I need to move on with my life!

He stopped, supporting himself with his elbow and with the other hand moving my hair from my forehead.

“What happened to your caution?” he asked a satisfied smile hanging on his lips.

“Curiosity.” I answered.

“Hmm.” he answered looking across the room.

His hand was now at the side of my face, fingertips tracing around my ear and jaw line ending at the corner of my mouth.

“How did it feel?” he said, his eyebrows raised.

“Not...bad.” I replied, trying to think it over. What did it feel like?

“I see.” he bent over me, kissing me again gently but with a force behind it. He forced my lips apart causing me to inhale and feel his hot breath.

“And this curiosity...” he said as he pulled away from me again, putting his lips to the tip of my nose. ”It has nothing to do with Aiden does it?”

Instantly, my stomach contracted, twisting into the most excruciating knot and my heart back up as far as it could go without bursting out of my body.

I turned my back now to him and gathered the blanket as much as I could pressing it against my stomach and curling into as tight a ball as I could, pulling the part of the blanket on my shoulder over my ear.

I realized then what I had felt. Absolutely nothing. All that had driven me was my desperation for release. I still could not feel.

I heard Cole sigh. He reached out laying a hand on my head for a moment. Did he understand what I had just confirmed?

I'm so sorry.

I wanted to say this to him, but did not want to explain my reasons feeling it more painful than the confirming action.

He didn't say another thing about it turning back over himself and we both eventually slept.

The next few days were quiet and tense. Cole had gone to retrieve supplies for me, promising to have the real time to explain it all to me when he returned.

Aiden didn't speak to me except when it was absolutely necessary. His face frozen in a permanent scowl.

There were a few instances where he would come into a room I was in, stopping in a doorway and opening his mouth to speak. After a moment he would just sigh, shake his head, and leave again.

Other than these few instances and meal times, he mostly stayed in his room, I in Cole's. Every once in a while I would stray to the living room couch for a change of scenery. I'd sit cross-legged nestled in the corner watching my toes or staring at a wall or the ceiling. A good amount of the time, as usual, I thought about Aiden and what I could ever possibly say. Daydreaming about how I wanted it all so desperately to be. After a while I would only feel depressed or guilty at the injustice my hopes would do to Cole.

If only I could turn back time. I would often end my thought with this, my face in my hands.


One evening I had finished one of these sessions, my eyes just over my knees, when Aiden walked into the room. Seeing me there he went to leave again.

“Aiden.” I said quietly.

He paused, I didn't look up.

“Won't you talk to me... at all?”

“What would you want me to say?”

“Tell me how you’ve been feeling this whole time,” my eyes stayed staring at the ground. “How you've been handling things,” I continued, “What you've been...doing...” My voice broke and I turned my eyes to face the wall.

“Don't you know that already?”

He was angry and he had every right to be.

Aiden began to leave again.

“No, wait!”

He stopped again.

“I'm sorry. I was so...so horrible to accuse you of something like that. I know you're better than it all - I just - I've had to live with that rumor and so many others like it floating around in my head for so long and it's been eating me alive!” It all came out in a rush and to my relief he stayed. “Please...” I begged. “Tell me the truth.”

“I'm not as good as you make me out to be.” he said quietly.

Then we were silent.

Just as I thought he had left he sat down next to me on the couch. He was bent over, elbows resting on his knees and his fingers intertwined, head facing the ground.

“I've messed up.” his entire body was tense. “And there's no way I can fix it. It's too late.”

I wanted to reach out to him and touch his arm or his shoulder, but I was too afraid. Still, I relaxed a little, leaning over and putting my forehead to the side of his face.

“Don't say that.” I whispered. “It's never too late.”

I knew what I said was true, but I could tell by the way his eyebrows remained furrowed and how he then got up and left closing his door a little hard behind him that he didn't believe me.
...
“Could you help me a sec'?” I asked quietly.

“Sure.” Cole answered, coming over to me carefully.

I handed him the pod, the plastic over the adhesive already removed. He took it gingerly as if afraid to damage it.
 

“Where do I put it?” he was still nervous even as I smiled gently at him.

“Here.” I showed him, pulling up the back of my shirt a few inches and circling the area of muscle on my lower back with my finger. “I need you to do it because I can't see very well back there and it needs to be as straight as possible.” I explained.

“Oh, alright.” he reached down to place it, his fingers barely touching my skin as he pressed down the adhesive.

“How's that?” he asked standing.

“Fine, thank you.” I pressed the button on the meter.

...3...2...1...The pop echoed and I closed my eyes tightly holding them still for a moment waiting for the pain to begin to fade.

Letting out my held breath, I said, ”One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Look in the little window there, and see if I'm bleeding or if anything looks odd.”

He kneeled behind me and looked. After a moment of silence he answered, ”No,” his voice was barely a whisper, ”it's perfect.”

I walked away from him, going to the light switch and turning off the light. I was really tired and wanted nothing other than to sleep. I turned around to get in bed and Cole was suddenly standing in front of me shirtless. He advanced on me and I reflexively backed away finding myself flat against the wall. He put his hands against the wall near my head and bent leaned in with a menacing smile on his face and kissing my neck.

I ducked my way under his arm and moved away reaching the corner of the bed before he reached me again, 
taking me by the arm and holding me to him by the waist.

“Cole, stop it.” I said trying to pull away from him.

He let go of my arm and held the back of my head instead and kissing me on the mouth. He forced it open, his tongue pouring inside, his breath hot in my throat. I took my hands and began trying to push against his chest as my head swam, it did nothing to stop him.

After a moment I felt myself begin to fall. We landed on the bed, our legs hanging off of the corner. Cole raised himself slightly keeping his grip on my waist and dragged me to the head of the bed. He then let go of my waist, grabbing me by the wrists with both hands and pushing them over my head where he then held them against the wall with one hand.

Then he let his body fall on me, hard.

It caused me to gasp causing him to kiss me more fiercely and press himself harder against me. We touched in every possible place.

I was scared now and I could hear my own heartbeat race in my head. I struggled underneath him and it did little to deter him, but instead enticed him further. He moved his lips to my neck then my collarbone as I gasped from breath.

With his hand he reached underneath my shirt running his fingers down my spine making me arch my back.
Cole then began to lift my shirt slowly, his lips tracing the exposed skin and then I heard it.

The low rumbling of a dying engine that shook the wall behind me. Aiden was back.

For a moment Cole acted as if he hadn't heard a thing, then stopped with my shirt putting his lips to my ear.

“Shhh.” He whispered seductively and threateningly.

I heard Aiden's footsteps in the garage and I waited for him to open the door to the house.

Cole was kissing me again, trying to occupy my mouth.

The door opened and I turned my head as hard as I could out from under Cole's.

“Aiden!” I screamed as loud as I could.

Cole instantly put his hand over my mouth staring at me with his eyes, once blue, now black with a look that could kill. I stared back at him my eyes wide, horrified.

The bedroom door burst open and Cole remained still, staring at me. A moment later he was pulled off me and I rolled off of the bed barely gaining my balance as my feet hit the floor.

“Go to my room.” Aiden said fiercely.

I looked to see him and Cole staring each other down and I went to grab my things from the bedside table. I heard Cole laugh and a chill ran down my spine. He shook his head at Aiden and turned around coming at me again.

Aiden grabbed his arm, Cole turned around and punched him in the face. If I had blinked I would have missed it. Then almost just as fast, Aiden pulled a gun out of no where and held it to Cole's head.

“Go.” he said again, not taking his eyes off of Cole.

I walked carefully around them, trying not to turn my back to Cole and he was staring at me again with those same eyes. He was furious.

Once out of the door, I went into Aiden's room as fast as I could and not soon after Aiden followed walking backwards holding his gun out in front of him. As soon as he was in he closed the door as fast as he could, bolting it. He lowered himself his back against it, sitting on the floor with his legs bent, his feet flat on the ground. He rested his hands on his knees still holding the gun. He raised his head on the door facing the ceiling breathing through his mouth.

“Are you alright?” he asked between breaths.

It was then that I realized that I was shaking fiercely. I almost fell to the floor trying to sit down. I took my meter having much difficulty opening it and preparing it to test my blood sugar. I managed to puncture myself but was not able to hold my hand still long enough to get the blood in the strip to test it.

“Come here.” Aiden said gently.

I scooted over to him and handed him the meter. He gently took my wrist and held my arm steady.

“Like this?” he asked copying my movements from before.

I nodded.

It worked.

“Thank you.” I said.

We both watched the meter as it gave the result. I was low.

His face was panic stricken as I sighed out of annoyance.

I quickly stuffed a good three carbs down my throat.

“I'll be fine.” I smiled at him.  

As soon as I said this there was a pounding on the door. Aiden arched forward then planted his feet and pushed himself back against the door as it continued to pound over and over.

Cole yelled in frustration as he continued to ram the door.

Aiden took my arm and gently pulled me to him between his legs wrapping his arms around me and holding me to his chest. His gun was once again in his hand. He laid his head on mine.

“It's okay. He won't get through.” he whispered to me trying to calm me, I was breathing in gasps again.

Both of our bodies rocked as Cole pounded the door. Aiden remained unshaken by it and so warm.