A Little Vision

So. Hey guys. I know. I've been gone. Living life as they say, hopefully I'll write more soon.


But do not fret too much! This post is creative I swear!


I am sure I've told you guys about my desire for film-making. Most of my ideas I want to see on some kind of screen and as such for most of them I have actors I feel suited for the characters if not inspirations. I thought I'd share that with you guys today. :)


First, for Beast, aka Fayre we have only the two main characters worked out.


Fayre Kendrick-Ellen Page

I know some of you may be thinking: What? That doesn't fit what I see. I have made some major setting changes to the story in my head lately, and she's kind of perfect. Hopefully you'll understand. 

Axel Bane-Jared Padalecki 

Next The Blessed and Forsaken:

Amy Grace-Rachel McAdams

Lucifer-Robert Pattinson

Dean-Matt Bomer

Tessa-Natalie Portman

Anna Grace-Lyndsy Fonseca 

Jaiden-Zac Efron 

Gaelic-Hayden Chistensen

Jehovah (Jev)-Ryan Reynolds

God-Ewan McGregor

Gabriel-Alexander Skarsgard

Initially, I couldn't see anyone other than Heath Ledger, but obviously, it can't work that way. Rest his soul. :(   <3

These are only ones I've completely decided on. :) Let me know what you think guys! Or if you have any suggestions for characters I have not mentioned...or okay, I'll let you tell me some of these too. 

FILL UP THE COMMENTS

Early Bird

“I should kill you.”

Nick hardly waited for the door to close before he was on his feet, pushing Jaiden with all the force he had onto the bed. It slammed into the wall with a sad crunch. Jaiden pulled the blankets off of him nonchalantly and before he could fully gather himself, Nick was seated again.

“You’re more than aware of what I did to the last dick that tried to touch her. And yes I am being quite literal.”

Jaiden could feel the full onslaught of Nick’s glare, but it was nothing new. He wasn’t listening to him quite yet anyway. The sound of the door closing was still echoing in his head. It had been hard to open his heart again, he’d known it would be the moment he realized Anna knew the truth.  He took a deep breath and swallowed his heart again, turned off the lights, closed it down and it wasn’t as hard as it had been the first time. The emotion fled and the darkness was easier to accept.

“Being protective doesn’t become you.” Jaiden exasperated as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Talking back isn’t in your job description. Though I guess I should be thanking you because banging the enemy to get her to think that you’re doing this so she can win IS. It’s so cruel, I’m sorry I didn’t think of it myself. Good job. I’m quite proud of you, really. Come here and give daddy a hug or would you rather have a raise?” Nick had started tapping his lighter on the arm rest, one of the few nervous ticks he had that Jaiden had picked up on in his time with him.

“She loves you.” Jaiden stood and went into the bathroom where he’d left the rest of his clothes. “Even as you are—you’re her father, you meant something to her mother too pure to corrupt, though she’d probably care for you anyway.” He’d tossed the clothes into the hamper next to the toilet and grabbed his toothbrush that was still in the sink where Anna had knocked it. He didn’t even smile, setting it onto the shelves in the shower and turning on the water. “That’s just how she is.”

“Don’t you tell me how she is.” Nick snarled.

Jaiden was feeling the water when his annoyance got the best of him. “Oh sorry, I just know her better than you ever will, okay, so fuck you.”

Jaiden had the drain plug in his hand and had the full intention of throwing it at Nick possibly followed by a punch no matter the consequences, but he was gone, a cigarette burning a hole into the chair.

Nick burned through half the cigarette in one drag and then tossed it aside, hearing the soft poink it made as it hit the floor. Then time seemed to slow for a moment as his ears filled with the dragged out sound of it continuing to burn. He turned to face it, thinking that maybe Jaiden had followed him and was trying to pick a fight. Oh he wished he would. Someone just needed to give him an excuse to destroy something. Fucking anything. Though, then again, he didn’t really need an excuse.

A smile danced on his lips as a plan ran through his head with lots of flames and broken glass, maybe a crying baby or two, and time flowed normally again. He stared at the burning butt start to die out, muffled by the lush carpet and then turned around.

Her scent hit his nose like the smoke of freshly lit weed, intoxicating, painful, nauseating. How had he not sensed her coming? He would have been the first one—the only one to notice. Maybe he was just so used to thinking he felt it—to feeling Anna that he didn’t notice when it was real—when it was her.

“Abdiela.” It was Amy standing in front of him. Jeans, a soft blue blouse that tied at the collar, much too skanky for Anna’s mother. It looked like the woman he’d meet, it was her body, but not the same human he’d known in this world.

“He’s right, Lucifer, you know that.” Her eyes accused him, pleaded with him to accept responsibility, accept feeling from the daughter that would ruin all his plans. That was made to destroy him and what he stood for. The glimmer in her eyes also dared him—challenged him to accept his feelings for her.

“It doesn’t matter.” He intended to walk past her, ignore this damnation, but he couldn’t get his feet to move.

“But it does. Don’t you see that?” The pain in her voice reminded him of one of the last conversations they had when she was still alive, she wanted so badly for him to give it all up, but it was too late now. “I know you do.” Her voice was softer, her hand on his arm. If he had a heart, he knew it’d be racing. It still amazed him how he could feel the heat of her flesh radiating from one limb to the next.

I missed you. The words jumped out in his head. Emerging suddenly from some deep recess that was so small, he often forgot it was there. He swallowed the words back down, like a small amount of vomit that had threatened to fill his mouth. It burned his throat.

“She understands—“

“What, like you?” Nick spat, grabbing her arms and throwing her against the wall. Amy didn’t flinch which surprised Nick for a moment, but then he realized—Abdiela wouldn’t. Without thinking Nick smashed his mouth on hers, wrapping her in his arms that were more afraid of letting go than taking. His hands didn’t roam like they used to, he had no desire for them to. He wasn’t thinking at all, there was just need.

Unbidden, Amy’s tongue was in his mouth, warm and caressing his illusioned flesh. Lucifer responded, pushing against her harder, attempting to make a mold of her body in his skin. He needed it forever.

Lucifer pulled away, his eyes staring at her mouth for a moment, then the wall. Abdiela’s hands held his face and she sighed. Without a word her mouth met his again, soft, tentative.

Nick’s arms dropped to his sides. “Get the fuck out.”

He gave her enough room to move from the wall, from him. He heard her shoes, shuffling, almost like slippers on the carpet, then no sound at all. He looked up from the space of wall he’d been trying to burn with his eyes and the hall was empty. There was no one else besides him there, this hall might as well be considered empty, no one had been here in the first place.

Pick it Up

HELLO ALL! 

Finally I have spat something out of my acidulous recesses! 

This is for Legacy, the third installment of The Blessed and Forsaken as the tags indicate. 

Yes, you will be confused. I have changed a lot of things around, but here's a little thing to keep you guys going. :) 

It's lovely playlist is available below.

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The body guard closed the door behind me with a nervous shuffle of his hair and a sideways glance. I didn't smile at him.

I waited until the silence filled in around me so that I knew I was alone and set my purse on the side table with a resounding thump. I kicked off the pumps that were a size and a half too big for me and tried to rub the blisters through the stockings. I stumbled when the threads stung my exposed flesh and ripped the stockings off my legs as quickly as I could, stumbling into a lounge chair and sinking into it. Bundling the nylons in my hands I tossed them like a ball to join the shoes. They unraveled and floated pathetically to the floor, like a ribbon stolen by the wind. The red carpet shown through the holes my fingers had made, almost looking like peeled skin. I tried not to shudder.

I leaned back in the chair and let out a breath letting the velvet sooth the skin on my arms and legs for a moment. I had a small desire to let it caress my whole body, but I had to resist. I didn't know how long I would be alone. He could open the door at any moment.

I didn't have time to relax but there were a few things I had to take care of. Launching myself out of the chair, I bee-lined for the bathroom, taking off my suit jacket as I went. I hung it on the outside doorknob of the bathroom turning the water on in the sink waiting for it to warm. I couldn't stand my clothes on any more. The heat had penetrated through them and smashed against my skin. I needed air. I threw everything in a heap next to the door except for my panties and stared at the shower longingly. It was completely tiled connected to a large tub on the other side of clear class doors. It was beckoning to me. It was so cruel. I knew I probably didn't have time to really clean, but I maybe I could cool off.

I turned off the water in the sink, nearly running to the other side of the bathroom feeling like I couldn't shove the glass doors aside fast enough. I leaned over the tub and turned the cold water on high, the humidity in the bathroom immediately dispersing. I let the water run over my hand then stood and removed my panties as well. I sunk in to the water even though the bath was not even a quarter of the way full and just sat. The sensation of the water sloshing and rising against me was soothing like waves, almost whispering a lullaby to my body. Relax. Sleep. I tuned out all noise except for that melody. I didn't know where it was coming from, but I knew it was no threat. It wasn't until I shivered that I broke away from the sound. As nice as the cool water had been, I was too cold now. Disappointed, I sighed on turned on the hot water warming the tub almost instantly, but it was still more cold than hot.

I submerged myself in the water once it was full and the water whispered to me again: Anna. He could walk in right now and do anything he wanted, he probably wouldn't even want to talk, but he didn't have to. I wanted him to come in and without a word sink into the water with me and say hello from his toes to mine like we used to.

A murmur.

"Unum cum oculis. Est hic.*"The one with the eyes. She is here.

"It's alright. Mi prenderò cura di lui**." I'll take care of it.

Jaiden.

I flew out of the tub and unplugged it, grabbing the nearest towel at the same time. I dried off as quickly as I could with one hand while searching simultaineously for a hairbrush and bandaids with the other. I found a comb, which was good enough, setting it on the granite sink while I clambered in one of the mirrors for bandaids. After another moment of dumping razors and toothpicks into the sink bowl I gave up. I yanked on my underwear tossing the towel over the shower doors and tried to comb the curls out of my hair. I bit my lip against the pain as knots quickly gathered in my hair. I rang as much water out of it as I could and put it up in a ponytail. I grabbed my suitcase from where the guard had left it next to a couch just outside the bathroom door. That was quite thoughtful of him.

Once I'd thrown on jeans and a t-shirt, I sat in the chair in the dark room on the other side of the main room closer to the bedroom. This had to be the biggest hotel room I'd ever seen. Too many rooms for one person in my opinion.

I was surprised that the door hadn't opened yet. They couldn't have been too far away when I heard them and they weren't talking anymore. Where did they go?

The door clicked as the lock was turned. I poised myself, legs crossed, cheek in hand, my look prepared to be as stern as possible without threatening my gaze and Jaiden walked straight into the dark room.

He paused and looked at me as I looked at him. His mouth almost as thin as mine though a little more of a frown, a little sadder. His tie was already loosened hanging on the flaps of his suit jacket which hung open away from his stomach. He put his hands in his pocket and sighed.

"I thought you were here to kill me." He took a thin blade out of his pocket and set it on the nearby desk. It was fit in a crude hilt, a dark, nearly blackened stain on the tip.

My heart twinged. I knew what it was. The last remaining bit of the Spear of Longinus. It just happened to have more of Christ's blood on it then all the pieces combined. One of the few weapons that could stop my abilities. He was prepared to disarm and fight me.

This was stupid. I shouldn't be here.

Instead of getting up and leaving like I should have done, my lips moved. "You lied to me."

He turned his back to me, but let his eyes stray in my direction. "Who told you?" more of an exasperated sigh than a whisper.

"Who do you think?"

He halfway turned back toward me and ran his hand down the length of his face, his forefinger and thumb resting on the corners of his mouth. "Mother fucker." He mumbled.

I glared at him, my hands squeezing the arms of the chair. His eyes flickered toward me, I must have used a little more force in my stare than I'd realized.

"Sorry." His eyebrows furrowed in sympathy and he shuffled his stance, but didn't move to sit. I didn't twitch a muscle.

He moved back towards the doorway and turned on the light, then put his hands in his pockets. "It was the only option."

I immediately shook my head. "You should have told me. We could have figured something out, something bett—"

"No!" He took a step closer to the chair. "Anna, would you have let me gone? No! You would have rather killed me and condemned yourself then let me—"

"No! Jaiden, stop it! I never would have—by doing this—this is how you're going to…make me kill you and I—" my voice caught as hot tears filled my eyes, for once blurring my vision. I couldn't look at him; couldn't see his pity as I tried not to cry over the eventual death of my enemy and my lover.

"In the end, yes, you will kill me." His voice was much closer than it had been a moment before and I nearly jumped in the seat. I could smell him now. The wood and pine smell that was his was now charred. "It's the role I have to play to save you. To save them."

I couldn't stop the tears now. I knew someone had to do it. I'd always known. I knew it could have easily been me, just like he did. It was why he gave himself over. So I didn't have to choose.

Because he loved me.

"I thought you betrayed me. I thought—"

His hands were on my face, hotter than I remember, much hotter than any person I'd ever touched in my life. "No il mio pappagallino***." He wipped tears away from my mouth so his lips could graze it. "Never. I've always been on your side. I always will be. You will do it."

"I don't think I can without you. How can I do this alone?" How could he say that to me, when I knew after tonight I'd never see him again until my blade was at his throat, taking his life.

"You are not alone. Not ever. He is with you just like I am. We will be together again when this is over, I swear." His arms were wrapping around me and I gripped his jacket. I couldn't leave him. Not ever again.

"Stop lying to me." It wouldn't matter in the end—the reasons for his sins. Everything that he had done these past five years—he would be condemned.

"Shh." He picked me up and didn't say anything more. I couldn't get the tears to stop, couldn't fight him. I didn't want to, clinging now to his neck and sobbing into his shoulder.

It wasn't fair.

He kissed my neck and shoulder so softly that I hardly felt his lips as he trudged me across the hotel room. He laid me carefully on the bed, kissing my forehead so that I'd let him go. I grabbed the pillow to try and get myself to stop crying for once, it didn't do much. He touched my arm a few minutes later so that I knew he was back. His suit was gone, replaced with a basic white t-shirt and shorts, his feet were bare like mine were and instead of sitting on the bed with me like I expected him to do, he knelt on the floor next to my feet. It was then that I noticed the medicine and bandaids he'd set on the bed.

He took one of my feet carefully in his hand and examined the blister.

"Not giving yourself enough time to plan again? You're going to ruin your feet if you keep doing that."

"Shut up." I mumbled, reminding myself of the teenagers we'd once been. Getting into trouble trying to do what was right, but being too young to know how to do it correctly.

He dabbed each blister with a cotton ball soaked in hydrogen peroxide. They both immediately fizzed and I hissed each time.

"Sorry."

I remained silent as he continued to tend to my feet finishing off by rubbing them. My muscled screamed and I moaned in relief. My hands were usually too sore to do it myself.

"How's your back?" he asked suddenly.

At first I was shocked that he'd known about my encounter with Bael, but quickly realized that he'd more than likely been the one to orchestrate it.

I sat up, letting my feet rub momentarily on the soft blanket as I turned my back to him and I realized how tired I was. How much I wanted to sleep and do anything but. I started to take off my shirt without thinking how tender the scabs were going to be from being in the bath and let out a cry when I felt every single one of them split open. Jaiden watched me with pained and hungry eyes, but knew offering to help wouldn't make it better. I hadn't bothered to put a bra back on earlier so I didn't have to worry about it scrapping off the scabs even more.

Jaiden didn't say a word, getting up to sit on the bed with me and putting medicine on the wounds. They weren't nearly as big as they had been a few weeks ago, but they were still deep in the center. He used the big bandages in the box he'd brought to cover them up as well. Anytime his finger tips grazed my skin I could feel something inside me squirm impatiently.

"Thank you." I said quietly when he was finished.

"You're welcome." He answered hesitantly. I knew he was thinking the same thing I had. It was his fault I had these wounds in the first place. He probably didn't feel I should be thanking him for anything.

He slowly stood up from the bed and turned to leave the room.

"Jaiden." I said quickly.

He turned and looked at me. I was facing him now still without a shirt and I didn't care. He couldn't leave.

I didn't need to say anything else after that.

His arms were around my waist, then his palms grazed my hips as he pushed me down onto the bed with his body, wedging himself between my legs at the same time. I breathed against his neck, trying to actually get oxygen from somewhere, anywhere with his smell suffocating me. His head moved to my chest making my stomach sing, a gasp in my throat. I stopped trying to breathe. I didn't need the air. His scent, his skin, his heat beating, pushing against me, it was all I needed anymore. All I needed to live. He was mine again.


 
We talked.

Once we could breathe normally again it was easy, wrapped in the covers and each other. I told him the parts he didn't already know, the people I was meeting and helping. I told him about all the things I'd learned and how I knew what I was coming.

Most of what was coming he knew and he knew some things I didn't and he told me without hesitation. There was only one that I didn't have enough time to prepare for.

"It's tomorrow. About noon."

"The Rise of the Dead?"

"Yes, the Resurrection snuck up on us. That's why you had a little longer to bathe than you thought." A little guilty smile crossed his lips and I pressed them with my fingers, then my lips.

"He's anxious."

I frowned.

"Of course."

"He's doing everything he can not to show it, but most of us aren't as dumb as he likes to think."

He sat up a little farther on his arm and I sunk more in the covers. "Anna, I don't think he will be able to handle himself when your mom shows up."

"I know. I don't think I can either."

He frowned and opened his mouth to say something else when the door flew open and hit the wall with a bang, rattling the bed.

"Oh, good morning."

Speak of the devil. I mumbled in my head, then chastised myself for using the cliché.

"Well hello dad. Sorry I didn't send you a Christmas card, or call the past five-fucking-years." Nick continued his one sided conversation mocking the last tone I'd used with him. He strutted in and neither I nor Jaiden moved, both still naked in bed, but we weren't feeling threatened either.

Nick flopped himself into the soft chair next to the bed and pulled out a cigarette lighting it and sending a torrent of smoke towards the ceiling before he spoke again.

"Hi boss, oh, by the way, I fucked your daughter and catalyst last night…again."

This got Jaiden out of the bed quickly, he started to grab his clothes and tossed me mine. I pulled them on under the covers as Nick waited.

Our conversation was over.

We were out of time.

He interrupted us. The last moments we had.

Jaiden ignored Nick in the chair, taking me in his arms as soon as I was dressed. I took his face and kissed him, long and hard, then softer. It was all I could do to say goodbye. I stared at his eyes, trying to commit the light in them to memory. I didn't know how long I could hold on to that image.

"What no kiss for me?" Nick glowered from the chair and without a thought I marched over to the chair and bent over slowly, kissing his head and touched his hair with my hands lingering a little longer than I probably should.

I didn't look back, grabbed my purse and bag from the floor, leaving the heels and stockings, and walked straight to the door.

"Bye." Nick called just as the door shut. 

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*Latin

**Italian

***Italian: My lovebird. 

 

Don't Hurt Me

Guys, I know. I'M SORRY. I stopped writing. Don't hate me. Things got crazy in my life, but also, what I wrote was enough I think. It really helped what I did do. I don't feel the need anymore. 

So. *shrug* 

That's it I guess.

Of course if I start anymore I'll post them, but for now it's done. 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about The Blessed and Forsaken Trilogy though. 

So, I'm hoping that I'll be able to really write something soon. 

Don't give up on me! 

Confessions

I need to let you go

but i realize that 

i want to be able

to love you again

someday. 

i can't.

i know that.

it's impossible

irrational

illogical

stupid.

but i don't know

how to let this go.

Weight

Main Page and Playlist

<---That Thing. You Hate it Too.

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Don’t think

That I don’t know you

That I don’t

Understand you

Even though you never

Once

Opened up to me.

And I do

Love you

I probably will

For several years still

Because it’s not

Something I can just turn off.

Even if

Who I loved

Wasn’t who you were

At the time.

Even so

I don’t like you

And I sure as hell

Don’t trust you.

It’s odd

But I get a little comfort

Knowing

With reasonable

Surety

That you don’t like yourself either.

You may not admit it to yourself

Not yet

But I think

They day you realize it

Will be the day

That you wake up

In that hole

That you’re putting yourself in

With no way out.

You surround yourself

With all of these things

Alcohol

Cigarettes

Darkness

Heavy metal

Piercings

Tattoos

Sex

Driving off cliffs

To weigh yourself down

Because you feel like

Nothing else will.

But that’s your mistake

It’s not things in life that hold us

To the ground and give us something to

Grasp

It’s the people

We surround ourselves

With

It’s the love

They give.

But we have to be willing to take it.

Not only that,

We have to respect it

Return it

In kind.

Only if it’s real.

I think

Maybe

That’s why

You’re afraid of me.

That Thing. You Hate it Too.

Main Page and Playlist

<---Hold On...

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I want to talk about

The wall

You all know

What I’m talking about

That little shit head

That doesn’t let your feel

The things your head knows

You want

And should feel.

It’s not emotion.

God, no.

The emotion is there.

The emotion is what’s driving you

To know what you should be feeling

Physically.

But the wall

OH THE WALL

It makes everything

Slightly numb

You’re feeling it

Through bubble wrap

Pressing as hard as you can

Through the clay

The plaster

The stone

The steel

But never quite

Grasping it

Like you used to.

The sensation

Is tapping.

There.

But you just can’t get the full effect.

It’s where I find myself

Holding my breath again

And I can’t seem to

Let the air out

To feel it.

I know I put it there

And anytime

He comes

And goes.

That they speak

And stay silent.

Take no value

In the love

I am shoving at them

Another layer

Goes up

More of a fortress

Around the castle.

And a moat.

I’m worried about

When the alligators show up.

I feel like it could come soon

And really

I say I’m worried

But I’m scared

I don’t want to do that

To myself

Or anyone else.

Can I apologize before hand?

I’m not handling all of this well.

I could blame them.

But I shouldn’t.

Not just because it’s right.

There’s just too much room

To –not blame myself,

But take note

In my own laziness

To do what I should

To be

And feel right.

It is

In ways

My own fault

And I know that.

I know my faults.

I accept them.

But changing them?

Not easy.

Course not.

It’s hard to have time.

Woohoo, number one

Excuse

But in ways it’s true.

Okay

Okay.

It’s not that I’ve done nothing

I’ve changed a lot.

I guess my point is

That I feel like it’s because of this wall

I don’t take anymore

Risks

I guess is the word.

I’m doing everything I can

Not to get hurt

Anymore.

But if the consequence is

Not feeling

At all…

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Weight--->