Meet

A story idea that I got not too long ago. I believe it was early last summer. This is my second attempt at writing in a guys point of view and as you can more than likely tell, I'm not very good at it. It's especially difficult with Alec's character. His personality is so dark, intense, and pissy, but at the same time full of self-loathing...and in some way pity. I went and put two very unknown things to me and am trying to say how this person would act and feel...it's a challenge.

A little about Alec.

Life has dealt him a hard hand and he has gone through many trials, though how he came through is mostly known to him, but not entirely positive.

He's left a lot behind, a lot foresaken and deals with things in a stereotypical way that is becoming more and more common these days.

To him it makes everything all right, but his world of the rising rock star isn't as distracting as he'd thought and things are about to change. ;)
Playlist at the bottom.

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My eyes shot open, but I didn’t gasp. I hadn’t slept again.

“Al!” came a muffled voice behind the door that had just been pounded on for no good reason at all. “Al, dude, we gotta get goin’!”

I closed my eyes again. I could feel the headache starting to come back.

“Al!” there was more pounding.

I twitched and held my breath. I practically stormed out of the bed and snatched the pack of cigarettes off of the side table, lighting one with the lighter that was next to it.

After putting the pack and lighter in my pocket, I walked to the door as he continued to make a hell of a lot of noise on the other side of it.

I took a nice deep draw, breathing out, my temper going back down almost instantly. It was only then that I allowed myself to reach out for the door.

I opened it, James standing on the other side of it. His eyebrow piercing pulled his skin in an awkward way as he frowned, looking at my bare chest.

“Alec! Dude! What the hell? We’ve got a plane leaving in an hour!”

I bit back my reaction as I always did. I didn’t like it when someone used my full name. It sounded devilish, but then again…it was fitting.

I turned around as he continued rambling, sighing a cloud of smoke. I found my shirt from last night on the floor and laid my cigarette in the ash tray a moment to put it on.

As I picked up the cigarette again I noticed something stirring on the bed out of the corner of my eye. James didn’t comment and I hadn’t expected him to. This wasn’t unusual.

I’d forgotten about the girl, but I had told her that I would more than likely not be there when she woke up. She was lucky. I was usually long gone by now, but I was reluctant to get on the plane this time. It’d been a long time since I was in California.

I picked up my untouched bags by the door, handed one to James, and slung my guitar over my shoulder. I followed James out of the hotel a few curious eyes remaining on the door I’d just shut, but it was already gone to me.

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“You’ve changed.” I mumbled, not meaning for her to hear it, but she did.

“I had to.” She replied. Her voice didn’t waver.

“Why?” I said before I even realized I wanted to say it.

“I couldn’t be the girl you said you’d come back to anymore, even though she had stopped waiting for you.”

I couldn’t respond.

Elaina shrugged, “I just figured you met someone and got married a long time ago.” she said the sentence like it was over-used and it made her tired.

“Why would you think that?”

“You didn’t call, Alec.” She said like all it was was a fact. I didn’t understand the look in her eyes. “What was I supposed to think after six months, let alone six years.”

This hit me hard in the chest, but it was the truth. I took the pain because I deserved it, but she didn’t.

“I told you I’d always love you.”

“Yes, but you never said that you couldn’t love someone else more.” She said sternly, but quietly.

How long had she been thinking that? And I let her. I made her think that.

“You’re right…I didn’t.” I said quietly, almost to myself, realizing it for the first time.

“I’m sorry.” I said, but it sounded like it meant nothing.

Elaina said nothing, but I could see her jaw was clenched.

“I know that-that doesn’t even begin to cover it, but I really…am…sorry.” I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to reach out and touch her.

“Is that all?”

“I still think about you.” I admitted. Why didn’t I feel my age?

“You can’t live the rest of your life with guilt.”

She just kept throwing more and more at me, but I’d take it. I’d take it all until she was satisfied.

“It’s not guilt-I mean, sure I feel awful about it-but…”

But what?

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

No, she had no reason to believe that.

“But what, Alec?” Her eyes still hadn’t moved from the spot she was staring at.

“Ugh! Every time you say my name it’s like finally reaching the surface of water. I can finally breathe. That means something doesn’t it?” I tried to look her in the eyes. “It’s gotta mean something, doesn’t it?!”

I calmed down. “Elaina.” I breathed. It had been years since I’d let myself say her name that way, like it was holy. “I can’t live without you anymore. If…you can’t love me anymore, then fine, I deserve that, but if there is any chance at all that you could love me again…would it hurt to at least try? Please.”

Elaina stared at me. She didn’t move, but I knew that her brain was working. She was processing what I’d said. It seemed like a lifetime that she continued to stare at me, but then her mask finally broke.

Her hand shook as she reached out toward my face and I kept my eyes locked with hers. Slowly, she brought her face closer, her eyes closing. I didn’t move as I felt her breath on my cheek. Her lips met mine then, gently. I could feel the part of her that wasn’t sure, wasn’t willing. Just like a part of me didn’t react, more for her sake than mine.

It was that moment where it would either stop or go farther. It was agonizing, but I managed to stop myself from taking charge. But if it did go farther… I didn’t know if I could keep holding back.

Suddenly, she was kissing me again and each time it was deeper, harder. Was that my hand on her face?

I was surprised by how I felt. I was so relieved and about to explode as the intensity continued to increase.

I heard her gasp for breath, but it quickly changed to a gasp of shock. I opened my eyes to see her pulling away from me.

“I’m sorry-I-” she whimpered.

She started to walk away and I didn’t realize what I was doing until my hand was around her wrist. She stopped and looked at me her eyes wide and afraid, full of tears.

She was scared of me.

It made me stop for half of a second, until I realized that I hadn’t done anything to make her be scared of me. What was it then?

Even though part of my mind was asking these questions all the other part could do was think of her. I stared into her eyes and hoped that she could see there that she had no reason to be scared.

I pulled her toward me, slowly at first, but then that wasn’t fast enough for how much I suddenly wanted her. I was just barely careful to be gentle as I yanked her down on top of me, immediately bringing my lips to hers. I held her face and kissed her roughly, but after a minute it wasn’t enough. I wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her tighter. She didn’t push me away as I kissed her neck, my breathing ragged. She didn’t protest when I turned us over, finding her collarbone with my mouth. I kissed her again and she kissed me back. I said her name, told her I loved her, and I meant it. I really did. She said it back to me like she used to: like she couldn’t help herself.

Normally, this would have made me mad, but she said she loved me. She shouldn’t, but she did.

My energy spiked, and so did my desire for her. My hands found their way under her shirt and she didn’t say a word as I took it off of her desperately along with her bra. She didn’t hit me as I took off her pants and when I went for mine, she didn’t stop me.

She didn’t stop me….


I jerked awake like I’d been hit, but there wasn’t a sound. I looked to my side to see Elaina next to me. She was breathing evenly and didn’t move, still asleep. I watched her face and I could tell that she was relaxed. Her mouth was open just a sliver and she was suddenly the sixteen year old girl I had known. It was forever ago that she had fallen asleep on my couch during a movie and I couldn’t make myself wake her up until it was close to her curfew.

I breathed almost closing my eyes again. The excitement was gone, but I felt relaxed, perfect. I really wanted to hold her again, to feel her soft skin under mine, but I resisted. I wasn’t going to interrupt her peace. Even though I couldn’t have everything I wanted at that moment, nothing could go wrong.

My heart stopped as I heard a slamming sound in the kitchen, then picked up ten times as fast once it started again.

Shit. I thought. Who the hell-?

I got out of bed quietly, pulling on my sweat pants. I began looking around for my shirt, stopping when I remembered that Elaina was wearing it. I went out and closed the door quietly, then made a bee-line to the kitchen. I had every intention of barreling toward whoever was in there, but when I saw who it was I had to stop.

“Richard, what the hell are you doing in here?” I asked sounding just as pissed off as I felt.

Richard looked up from the drink in his hand, staring at me with those same wild eyes, except they looked worse than I remembered.

“What? No cigarette?” he asked cocking his head to the side.

I wasn’t sure if I twitched or not, but it sure as hell didn’t make me any less mad. Richard then took a swig of the energy drink in his hand and turned to the fridge ignoring me.

I started to walk toward him and he faced me again.

“Whoa, didn’t expect that.” He was being sarcastic. He actually found it quite funny.

“So, who do you have in there?” he gestured with his head behind me, to my room.

I frowned at him. “What makes you think anyone’s here?”

“Because,” he exaggerated sticking out his tongue like “duh”, “Normally you would have starting yelling at me first thing and just carted me out the door if I didn’t move fast enough.”

“Oh, I will.” I seethed.

He continued like I hadn’t just threatened him. “Which means that there’s someone in there that you don’t want to wake up or scare.”

I just glared at him, trying to decide what to do.

“Don’t worry.” He said going into the fridge again and pulling out something that was left over. “This is just a pit stop. I’m not staying.”

“How’d you get in here?” I asked, remembering with clarity that I had locked the door after I had come in.

Richard reached in his pocket and dangled a key at me before returning to his food. I really didn’t care about the food; I just didn’t want him around. He was psycho. I made sure to watch carefully as he set the key on the counter. I was going to make sure he wouldn’t leave with that again.

“What time is it?” someone said behind me with a yawn.

I was horrified to see Elaina walking into the kitchen behind me. She was running her fingers through her hair trying to get rid of all the knots in it. She was still in my shirt, but she had put her slacks back on. I had to hold back a laugh. She looked horribly cute.

Elaina hadn’t noticed my reaction to her outfit because she was staring at Richard like Satan was standing there eating my left over pot roast, which was pretty close.

I watched Richard as he started to smile.

“See Alec, I know you too well, but I have to admit you did surprise me. I knew you had something back there, but I didn’t know,” he chuckled abruptly and my anger rose. “That you had this.” He gestured toward Elaina disgustingly.

Richard began to walk toward Elaina and I knew I should stop him, but I couldn’t move just as Elaina stayed frozen. His eyes flashed to me.

“She was good, wasn’t she?” He asked quickly the crazy light in his eyes stronger. Not waiting for a response continued, his eyes flashing back toward her hungrily. “I always knew she would be.” And he licked his lips.

That did it. I was on him in a second, grabbing him by the collar. “Get out.” I said through my teeth and I shoved him toward the door.

He just continued to laugh and I was afraid for one second. That was something I hated about him. I could hold a gun to this bastard’s head and he would continue laughing.

“Oh come on, Alec. We’re buddies aren’t we? Give me one round with her and I’ll disappear, I promise.”

I punched him in the face without a second thought and stood over him, panting. He smiled as he wiped the blood from his mouth and I watched his eyes as they looked at the counter where he had left the key.

I ran over and snatched it, then stared at him again. “Don’t make me say it again.”

Richard gave Elaina one last look before he finally left.

I breathed out letting myself start to reax a little. I stuffed the key in my pocket and turned back to the counter.

I picked up the plate of food and dumped it in the garbage and I had to stop myself before I slammed the plate in the sink. I tossed the energy drink in the garbage too.

I looked up at Elaina and she looked in my direction, like she wanted to say something.

“What?” I asked, a little harsher than I had intended.

She shook her head, “Nothing.”

“No, tell me.” I said, softer.

“No,” she sighed and closed her eyes rubbing her forehead. “He’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter.”
I shook my head, slightly frustrated, but I really didn’t want to argue with her. “Just-” she said suddenly, and I looked just in time to see her shudder.

Without thinking, I walked over to her and held her like it was the most natural thing for me to do.

Had it really been six years?

The Room

Something that came out to go along with this art project:

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I walked toward my destination, a key around my neck. The only other sound besides my echoing footsteps was the stirring of white curtains by a soundless wind in the open windows that I passed, every once in a while seeing a broken one. Each window provided me a glimpse into the dark room, but the never changing light from the nearly setting sun slightly illuminated a figure alone in its center. I turned the corner stopping in an open doorway with curtains billowing at my ankles, a living flame in my hands.

There was broken debris barely visible all over the floor and on many of the surfaces throughout the room. Chairs and small tables lay in ruins and every so often a piece was identifiable as glass or a bit of a mirror, but the rest were so destroyed that they were unrecognizable as to what they once were when they were whole.

A figure stood amongst it all, as I had seen through the windows, barefoot in a white dress.

“What happened?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, but still resonating throughout the room.

My flame lit her face as she turned her head slowly with a face I knew, but with an expression that I had never seen.

With dried tears streaked on her cheeks she answered, “I let him in.”

A broken, unnameable piece quivered in her hand as she knelt on one of the few clear spaces on the floor, her legs disappearing as her dress fell around her.

“I- I don't know where to start.” her voice shook and broke sounding almost like a plea.

I transfered the flame to one hand, reaching down and choosing a piece that was larger than those around it.

I finally entered the room slowly walking toward her. It didn't take much effort not to step on the millions of shards in my path. I knelt close behind her, careful not to touch, taking the piece gently out of her hand and with my arm reaching out from behind her, laying it on the floor. Then, I took my piece and laid it with hers. It was a perfect fit.

“Let's start here.” I answered, and my flame glowed a little brighter.

To Please

I love this one. It's spunky and fierce in a way. Very scary almost, well when you're talking about the main character...her power is really terrifying.

Anyways. This was another one that came to me as a dream. :) I really do love it when that happens. It was too cool to deny. It's a very complicated world and I'd probably confuse you if I tried to explain it. I'm still confused myself.

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I had come here during the summer as a girl, but never in this way, I had not seen this side of it or through these eyes. At this moment my eyes were closed, their use was unnecessary. I already knew everything I needed.

They waited for me as I paced back and forth, not missing a stride, not making a sound. Their hearts fluttered as their sweat flowed over their flesh in the white sun, cooling under the dry wind passing around us.

I paused facing forward and several hearts missed a beat breaking the rhythm. I exhaled through my nose then inhaled deeply and I could taste her.

She was there at the front of her lines with a relatively tight guard around her. All thickly coated with fear, especially her.

She wasn't the purpose of this mission, but I wouldn't mind if I killed her in the process. No, she wasn't my target in this battle, but who was, was the most afraid. I pinpointed their heart beating like the wings of a humming bird, and then I was ready.

Head bent and a smile across my lips, I raised my blade and cocked my gun. I opened my eyes and lay them on my enemy. Even from this distance I could see the fear in her eyes. My mouth opened slightly and everything slowed for a moment, everyone’s clothes billowing in slow motion. I did not falter my gaze.

I gave my command, my voice barely above a whisper, “Go.”

Then it began.

My soldiers, his army, rushed forward with a battle cry. They could match a little over half my speed, so I stayed back for a few moments as the two armies barreled down the clearing. I watched them clash with a roar, my soldiers well over the halfway point.

Their job was to make an opening for me to get to the target; I was the only one who could execute the mission. It mattered little if there was an opening before I decided to act. Needless killing was not an activity I supported, but if they were not able to give me a way in the next few moments, the deaths of those in my way would no longer be needless.

I found my target's heart again, beating faster now, cold metal in her hand.

It was then that I caught a glimpse of her through the clashing bodies.

She knelt on the ground, dressed in pink, guarded by only two men, a handgun in her lap.

I no longer had a choice!

I bared my fangs and flew forward, the first person I came across being their leader. Though she could never be as fast or strong as I was, she was able to see me, and stared me down as I came toward her. I slowed as I passed her so she could hear my thought: I do not have time to waste on you.

The insult was clear on her face, twisting in anger as she turned her head, our gazes still locked.

I broke it, slashing out at a female soldier who dared to raise their weapon to me. I did not hear her cry as she fell to the ground coming face to face with death. There was no need for me to hear when I could see and feel every living thing within a hundred miles.

The rest did not know what hit them after I regained full speed, swinging my sword at my right, firing with my left.

I reached the target taking down one of the two men around her by a swift shot to the head.

Many of my comrades lay around her, they had been trying to create a perimeter and all fell to these two men and now only one remained.

I turned my eyes on him letting the full power of my stare fall over and into him. I knew he was taken aback alone by the near white color of my eyes, with a small hint of blue remaining, my slitted pupils did not assist in his comfort either, but it was the power behind them that caused him to back away.  

I turned back to my target to find the barrel of the hand gun placed on the roof of her mouth by her own hand.

I tore it out of her grasp possibly injuring her hand in the process, but it was necessary.

Tears streamed down her face, and I allowed myself to hear just as she spoke.

“No one else is going to die because of me.”

“Ms. Talon, many already have, so do not go taking your own needlessly and making their sacrifices pointless.” I was in no way gentle with my words.

She broke down as she knelt on the ground surrounded by blood shed. I looked at her in her suit and skirt, an important asset to him.

She was not a part of this kind of world, so I sympathized her terror.

She had been kidnapped by this army to try and wound us financially and now they were paying for their mistake, but the mission was complete, the target obtained, so there was no longer need for this.

I called out to my second with my thoughts.

My Lady? He answered.

Another day. I ordered raising Ms. Talon to her feet handing her over to two soldiers who had come to assist me and we retreated.

“Fight me!” the leader hollered at me as I left the battle field never getting close enough for me to strike her, but I halted my hearing, ignoring her, and swiftly continuing on my way.

Ms. Talon would be returned to her rightful place.  

My hair remained up in a ponytail, but with a rose added to it. I had changed out of my war garb and into an almost formal dress that clung and flowed around me. My eyes had returned to their human state of bright blue. To some it was not much different from my non-human ones, but it was enough of a difference to me to not display them here.

A sentry led me through the many doors toward the audience hall.

Now that I had returned to my human state, the high of battle and the blood lust disappeared, and the memories were recalled of how my life had not always been this way.

I was once completely human, young and drunk on first love. So that was why when the one I loved had been gone for some time and then came into my house in the middle of the night and woke me with a kiss, I didn’t question it.

Winter

I stood watching the black sky, the stars twinkling, with my hands in my pockets, the rest of my body receding into itself as tight as it could. The smell of winter was in the air and bitterly cold in my nostrils: Ice with the hint of wood and smoke. The slight wind swirled around me and I had a faint smile on my lips.


“You like this?” he said as he walked up behind me.


I turned and glanced at him a moment before turning back to the sky; he was even more tightly wound than I was.


“Yes.” I laughed. ”It's freezing cold and I absolutely love it.”


“Hmm” he replied gruffly coming up next to me.


He matched my gaze as a shooting star went past and then he nudged me with his shoulder nearly knocking me over.


I wobbled back nearly falling into him chuckling.

Choice

He was out of breath and obviously anxious.

“You need to come with me now!” he said sternly.

I was dumbfounded and didn't speak. His eyes were a wild fire.

“I have to get you out of here. Do you understand?”

He took a step closer to me now; I was too frozen to back away, but narrowed my eyes to study him.

“Wha-?” I began, but was cut off by his frustrated yell.

He grabbed me around the waist and my heart stuttered. He began to drag me out the door. I wasn't sure if I should struggle or not.

“What are you doing?” I nearly hollered barely needing to hold my own weight as we staggered down the sidewalk.

“No time.” he grunted.

He wasn't particularly gentle as he lifted and then dropped me on the back of his motorcycle. He swung his leg over just as harshly while starting the engine. Next second we were off, immediately going twenty miles over the speed limit and climbing. I threw my arms around his waist as soon as could after nearly falling off.
I didn't know if I should consider myself kidnapped or rescued. Either way, if I weren’t taken care of properly soon with the correct supplies I wouldn't live too long.

I knew questioning him right now was worthless, on any subject. One he couldn't hear me, two he was very upset about something, and third like he would answer me anyway.

Other than this and my own immediate survival, my mind was blank, fogged.

After so long of not seeing him, I was overwhelmed with his scent and very aware of the warmth of his body between my arms, his heart beating next to my ear.

We were then racing down the country road and he had glanced in his rear view mirror and cursed fiercely, punching the gas, making the bike go even faster.

I cautiously looked behind me wondering what he was having us run from. My eyes widened in horror.

Chasing after us was a black, ghostly figure, flying probably five feet off of the ground and quickly catching up.

I gasped, burying my head into Aiden's back and closing my eyes. My whole body was as tight as I could possibly make it and I began to shake.

“Come on!” Aiden yelled. Pushing the bike to its limits.

I hoped with all my might that we were losing it, but I was too afraid to check.

The terrain that had once been relatively smooth changed beneath me. Becoming rough and bumpy. After a minute or so of this Aiden screamed at the top of his lungs, “Now!”

I gave a shrill gasp as the brakes on the bike were obviously being used and squealing just as well. My hair on my arms stood up and we skidded to a stop and I was nearly thrown from the bike, but luckily landed right up again.

I didn't move feeling us both breathe in short gasps. After a moment Aiden pulled my arms apart and off of him, steadying the bike and getting off. I opened my eyes to see that we were in a garage, or at least I was.
I turned my head to see Aiden quickly walking out a side door, rubbing his neck, leaving me alone.

Was I supposed to stay here?

I got off the bike carefully, not trusting my legs to keep me upright and gently walked across to the doorframe. I peeked around the corner just in time to see Aiden disappear into another door. I then watched my feet, too shy to go any further. A moment or two later he re emerged, not looking at me and stopping in front of a couch on the edge of the small room, fussing with things in his arms.

I watched him quietly finally taking a moment to really look at him as I hadn't had a chance to do for so long. Even in his baggy clothes it was obvious his body was a lot leaner than it had been before. He was more muscled, strong, firm. It had appeared to be a possibility as I could only glance from a distance, and now it was certain. His hair was shorter than the last time I saw it and what little light there was glimmered the thin layer of sweat on the back of his neck. I realized my breathing was shallow and stopped immediately feeling the blood rush to my face. Fool! I thought to myself.

“I know it's late. You can sleep here.” he nearly grunted and I walked up beside him looking at the couch where a pillow and blanket now lay. I grasped it in my hand feeling its worn texture. I kept my head down and mumbled a thank you, looking up as he turned away. In that small moment I gathered his expression: his face was hard and his eyes were cold. I looked away feeling a small amount of moisture come to my eyes. It was so slight that if you had looked at my eyes in that second you couldn't have known how much his expression had hurt me.

He was at the door now checking the locks.

“You have to stay here.” he continued, “Don't leave the house, okay.”

“Okay.” my voice was weak.

“I'll explain everything once my friend gets back.”

“Everything?” even as my face made the pained look I was ashamed of my own vulnerability, especially to him.

He looked up finally actually looking at me with a half stunned expression on his face. His eyebrows then furrowed and he averted his gaze, stalking off to the room he had retrieved the blanket and pillow from. He began to close the door with his back to me and stopped suddenly.

“Yeah.” he said, his voice barely over a whisper, and closed it quietly behind him.

Even though he couldn't see me I nodded my face contorted and I sunk onto the couch beneath me with my face in my hands.

I tried all my best to hold back the tears of my shame and fear. Clumsily, I made my way under the blanket, curling up in myself as tightly as the small couch would allow; my forehead pressed on its back.

I was so afraid.

I was afraid of the explanation he said he would give me and if it would be the truth; though it didn't concern my reason for being here. I was afraid of my own weakness toward him: my trust. He doesn't deserve it. He's shattered it already. How could I still have any left for him? I owed him nothing.

You owe him your life. My other side retorted kindly. Without him, would you know anything of love and what truly matters in this life? Would you be as strong? As mature? Where would you be now without that hope?

I am weak, I am a child. I answered. I would have learned eventually. Probably from Cole.

You don't know that. She said.

Neither do you.

I did everything I could to keep my sobbing silent and I drifted into a restless sleep this way; if that's what I could call it. I was still very aware when the door opened carefully.

I heard Aiden come out of his room just as carefully and who ever entered began to speak in whispers.

“That's who you got?” they asked. “Didn't he threaten you?”

Threaten? Who was threatening Aiden?

It then took me a moment to realize that I recognized the voice to be Cole's. I became even more still than I had been before. I didn't know they knew each other.

It took him a moment, but Aiden replied, “He didn't specify. It very well could have been you.” His voice was heavy, I wasn't sure if it was from sleep or dread in his lie.

So, he intended to keep our past a secret from his friend. Just as I had kept it from Cole.

So be it.

I heard Cole walk up behind me and I tried to relax a little to appear asleep.

“Is she alright?” he asked with genuine concern.

“Yeah.” Aiden grunted.

“What have you told her?”

“That she can't leave the house.” he sounded irritated.

“So nothing then?” his voice wasn't stern, just factual.

“She saw him chasing us.”

“Oh. Well, at least she'll understand that much. She's a smart girl.” he was confident and loving; it only added to my shame.

Aiden didn't reply.

Cole's fingers were suddenly on my face, stroking my cheek gently. I decided it was time to be awake and rolled over slowly to gaze at him with half opened eyes.

“Hey.” his voice was like a lullaby. ”How're you feeling?”

Like I want to die. A tiny voice inside me said.

“I don't know.” I replied, gruffing my voice.

“Do you want us to explain all of this now or once you've rested more?”

I closed my eyes and made a puzzled face, “I don't know?” I said again, a little louder than before.

“Morning then.” he brushed his nose on my forehead and did nothing more.

I made a noise similar to a small moan and turned back to my previous position wanting to cry even more.

“I'm knocking out then.” Cole then said addressing Aiden. “'Night.”

“'Kay.” was all Aiden said.

I heard a door close, but didn't hear any movement from where I thought Aiden was standing. The silence continued for a while longer and I still felt his presence.

“How long?” His voice was a lot closer than I thought he was.

It was then that I realized that he was sitting on the floor against the couch near my head.

I didn't move.

“How long what?” I said quietly, staring into the folds of fabric on the couch and studying with uncaring eyes at the way they weaved together.

“How long have you been together?”

“Not long.” I answered my hands clenched.

“What does he know?”

“He knows that their are a lot of pieces to pick up and a lot of baggage.”

“Why didn't you tell him?”

“It wasn't his burden to bear.”

“How could you do that?” he wondered strained.

“Do what?” I felt a burn in my chest start to grow and a knot tighten, fitting to burst.

“How could you do that to me?”

I exploded and turned on him

“Do that to you?” I shouted to his face. “How dare you! How dare you say that to me when you've done the same thing a hundred times over! That's what I should be saying! I should be asking how you could have betrayed me like you did!”

I was interrupted by his screams. “Betray you?! How did I betray you?!”

I gave a cruel chuckle. “You had one them live with you and I have no doubt that you slept with them as well! That is how you betrayed me and in the worst way! So don't you dare ask me how I could ever have done anything to hurt you!”

I was breathing hard and there was plain shock on his face.

I said it.

I said the accusation that had been eating me alive for months. I sensed no relief in me, only more fear.

“So, it was you?”

We both broke from our stares at each other and looked to see Cole standing in front of a door with even more shock on his face than was on Aiden's. I wondered how long he had been standing there.

He was looking at Aiden. Aiden was now looking at the floor, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth tight.

“You're the one-” Cole began, but he stopped himself striding over to me and gently but firmly pulling me to my feet. 

He walked me into his room and let go, I continued forward until my head found the wall and immediately began to cry, quickly losing my strength to stand and sinking onto my knees to the floor.

The door to the room remained open a moment, but then closed and soon after Cole's bare arms were around me, his cheek on my head as he tried to hush me.

He cautiously turned me around pulling me into him, my head on his chest, and I let him. I didn't have anyone else anymore. Aiden knew I knew the truth and I couldn't deny it any longer. That was the shock that made him speechless.

After a while, I quieted down and Cole picked me up and gently laid me on the bed under the covers laying down next to me but keeping a distance. I sniffed, and buried my face into the pillow and he remained silent. I dazed, drifting in and out of consciousness, but was still awake enough to hear Cole get up and go out of the room.

A moment later I heard his voice in the other room muffled.

“So you're the reason why she's so...reluctant.”

He received no response.

“Why didn't you tell me you two had had something before?”

“I didn't know until now that you were seeing her, and it wasn't my place anyway.” he sounded like he was talking through his teeth.

“Why didn't she tell me anything?”

“She doesn't think it was your burden to bear.”

“Is whatever it is that much of a burden?”

Again he said nothing.

“Well whatever it is...I think she's moved beyond it now. I'm proof of that.”

“Like you know anything about her.” Aiden replied, there was venom in his voice.

It was Cole's turn to burn him, “Knowing her doesn't change the fact that you messed up! You hurt her beyond what her own abilities can mend!” He paused, “But you know what...I'm going to fix her better than ever before.” The smile was obvious in his voice.

A few seconds later he returned moving a little closer to me. I moved and closed the distance, the last lonely tears disappearing. He froze, watching me as I moved my face to his, my lips tracing the outline of his mouth. His lips parted and I took in the sent of his breath. It was unfamiliar, foreign; my senses rejected it, causing me to hesitate. Then I...I let my lips meet his, only a split second before I removed them. He didn't respond and I waited for the sickness: the stabbing pain that I was sure would assail me in my own betrayal, but there was nothing, only the steady beating of my heart. My fear overwhelmed by my curiosity caused me to explore further. I kissed him again, pressing harder and lingering; then repeating the action numerous times begging him to respond.

Cole made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan and then began kissing me back, overpowering me and pushing me down.

Why I suddenly went against everything my heart held on to...all I could think of was that my reason was the same as why I had agreed to date Cole in the first place: Perhaps it was my only redemption; the only way I could let go of him and all the pain I still had in my heart. As they say: You never stop loving someone you only love someone else.

Who am I to argue with what I need to move on with my life!

He stopped, supporting himself with his elbow and with the other hand moving my hair from my forehead.

“What happened to your caution?” he asked a satisfied smile hanging on his lips.

“Curiosity.” I answered.

“Hmm.” he answered looking across the room.

His hand was now at the side of my face, fingertips tracing around my ear and jaw line ending at the corner of my mouth.

“How did it feel?” he said, his eyebrows raised.

“Not...bad.” I replied, trying to think it over. What did it feel like?

“I see.” he bent over me, kissing me again gently but with a force behind it. He forced my lips apart causing me to inhale and feel his hot breath.

“And this curiosity...” he said as he pulled away from me again, putting his lips to the tip of my nose. ”It has nothing to do with Aiden does it?”

Instantly, my stomach contracted, twisting into the most excruciating knot and my heart back up as far as it could go without bursting out of my body.

I turned my back now to him and gathered the blanket as much as I could pressing it against my stomach and curling into as tight a ball as I could, pulling the part of the blanket on my shoulder over my ear.

I realized then what I had felt. Absolutely nothing. All that had driven me was my desperation for release. I still could not feel.

I heard Cole sigh. He reached out laying a hand on my head for a moment. Did he understand what I had just confirmed?

I'm so sorry.

I wanted to say this to him, but did not want to explain my reasons feeling it more painful than the confirming action.

He didn't say another thing about it turning back over himself and we both eventually slept.

The next few days were quiet and tense. Cole had gone to retrieve supplies for me, promising to have the real time to explain it all to me when he returned.

Aiden didn't speak to me except when it was absolutely necessary. His face frozen in a permanent scowl.

There were a few instances where he would come into a room I was in, stopping in a doorway and opening his mouth to speak. After a moment he would just sigh, shake his head, and leave again.

Other than these few instances and meal times, he mostly stayed in his room, I in Cole's. Every once in a while I would stray to the living room couch for a change of scenery. I'd sit cross-legged nestled in the corner watching my toes or staring at a wall or the ceiling. A good amount of the time, as usual, I thought about Aiden and what I could ever possibly say. Daydreaming about how I wanted it all so desperately to be. After a while I would only feel depressed or guilty at the injustice my hopes would do to Cole.

If only I could turn back time. I would often end my thought with this, my face in my hands.


One evening I had finished one of these sessions, my eyes just over my knees, when Aiden walked into the room. Seeing me there he went to leave again.

“Aiden.” I said quietly.

He paused, I didn't look up.

“Won't you talk to me... at all?”

“What would you want me to say?”

“Tell me how you’ve been feeling this whole time,” my eyes stayed staring at the ground. “How you've been handling things,” I continued, “What you've been...doing...” My voice broke and I turned my eyes to face the wall.

“Don't you know that already?”

He was angry and he had every right to be.

Aiden began to leave again.

“No, wait!”

He stopped again.

“I'm sorry. I was so...so horrible to accuse you of something like that. I know you're better than it all - I just - I've had to live with that rumor and so many others like it floating around in my head for so long and it's been eating me alive!” It all came out in a rush and to my relief he stayed. “Please...” I begged. “Tell me the truth.”

“I'm not as good as you make me out to be.” he said quietly.

Then we were silent.

Just as I thought he had left he sat down next to me on the couch. He was bent over, elbows resting on his knees and his fingers intertwined, head facing the ground.

“I've messed up.” his entire body was tense. “And there's no way I can fix it. It's too late.”

I wanted to reach out to him and touch his arm or his shoulder, but I was too afraid. Still, I relaxed a little, leaning over and putting my forehead to the side of his face.

“Don't say that.” I whispered. “It's never too late.”

I knew what I said was true, but I could tell by the way his eyebrows remained furrowed and how he then got up and left closing his door a little hard behind him that he didn't believe me.
...
“Could you help me a sec'?” I asked quietly.

“Sure.” Cole answered, coming over to me carefully.

I handed him the pod, the plastic over the adhesive already removed. He took it gingerly as if afraid to damage it.
 

“Where do I put it?” he was still nervous even as I smiled gently at him.

“Here.” I showed him, pulling up the back of my shirt a few inches and circling the area of muscle on my lower back with my finger. “I need you to do it because I can't see very well back there and it needs to be as straight as possible.” I explained.

“Oh, alright.” he reached down to place it, his fingers barely touching my skin as he pressed down the adhesive.

“How's that?” he asked standing.

“Fine, thank you.” I pressed the button on the meter.

...3...2...1...The pop echoed and I closed my eyes tightly holding them still for a moment waiting for the pain to begin to fade.

Letting out my held breath, I said, ”One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Look in the little window there, and see if I'm bleeding or if anything looks odd.”

He kneeled behind me and looked. After a moment of silence he answered, ”No,” his voice was barely a whisper, ”it's perfect.”

I walked away from him, going to the light switch and turning off the light. I was really tired and wanted nothing other than to sleep. I turned around to get in bed and Cole was suddenly standing in front of me shirtless. He advanced on me and I reflexively backed away finding myself flat against the wall. He put his hands against the wall near my head and bent leaned in with a menacing smile on his face and kissing my neck.

I ducked my way under his arm and moved away reaching the corner of the bed before he reached me again, 
taking me by the arm and holding me to him by the waist.

“Cole, stop it.” I said trying to pull away from him.

He let go of my arm and held the back of my head instead and kissing me on the mouth. He forced it open, his tongue pouring inside, his breath hot in my throat. I took my hands and began trying to push against his chest as my head swam, it did nothing to stop him.

After a moment I felt myself begin to fall. We landed on the bed, our legs hanging off of the corner. Cole raised himself slightly keeping his grip on my waist and dragged me to the head of the bed. He then let go of my waist, grabbing me by the wrists with both hands and pushing them over my head where he then held them against the wall with one hand.

Then he let his body fall on me, hard.

It caused me to gasp causing him to kiss me more fiercely and press himself harder against me. We touched in every possible place.

I was scared now and I could hear my own heartbeat race in my head. I struggled underneath him and it did little to deter him, but instead enticed him further. He moved his lips to my neck then my collarbone as I gasped from breath.

With his hand he reached underneath my shirt running his fingers down my spine making me arch my back.
Cole then began to lift my shirt slowly, his lips tracing the exposed skin and then I heard it.

The low rumbling of a dying engine that shook the wall behind me. Aiden was back.

For a moment Cole acted as if he hadn't heard a thing, then stopped with my shirt putting his lips to my ear.

“Shhh.” He whispered seductively and threateningly.

I heard Aiden's footsteps in the garage and I waited for him to open the door to the house.

Cole was kissing me again, trying to occupy my mouth.

The door opened and I turned my head as hard as I could out from under Cole's.

“Aiden!” I screamed as loud as I could.

Cole instantly put his hand over my mouth staring at me with his eyes, once blue, now black with a look that could kill. I stared back at him my eyes wide, horrified.

The bedroom door burst open and Cole remained still, staring at me. A moment later he was pulled off me and I rolled off of the bed barely gaining my balance as my feet hit the floor.

“Go to my room.” Aiden said fiercely.

I looked to see him and Cole staring each other down and I went to grab my things from the bedside table. I heard Cole laugh and a chill ran down my spine. He shook his head at Aiden and turned around coming at me again.

Aiden grabbed his arm, Cole turned around and punched him in the face. If I had blinked I would have missed it. Then almost just as fast, Aiden pulled a gun out of no where and held it to Cole's head.

“Go.” he said again, not taking his eyes off of Cole.

I walked carefully around them, trying not to turn my back to Cole and he was staring at me again with those same eyes. He was furious.

Once out of the door, I went into Aiden's room as fast as I could and not soon after Aiden followed walking backwards holding his gun out in front of him. As soon as he was in he closed the door as fast as he could, bolting it. He lowered himself his back against it, sitting on the floor with his legs bent, his feet flat on the ground. He rested his hands on his knees still holding the gun. He raised his head on the door facing the ceiling breathing through his mouth.

“Are you alright?” he asked between breaths.

It was then that I realized that I was shaking fiercely. I almost fell to the floor trying to sit down. I took my meter having much difficulty opening it and preparing it to test my blood sugar. I managed to puncture myself but was not able to hold my hand still long enough to get the blood in the strip to test it.

“Come here.” Aiden said gently.

I scooted over to him and handed him the meter. He gently took my wrist and held my arm steady.

“Like this?” he asked copying my movements from before.

I nodded.

It worked.

“Thank you.” I said.

We both watched the meter as it gave the result. I was low.

His face was panic stricken as I sighed out of annoyance.

I quickly stuffed a good three carbs down my throat.

“I'll be fine.” I smiled at him.  

As soon as I said this there was a pounding on the door. Aiden arched forward then planted his feet and pushed himself back against the door as it continued to pound over and over.

Cole yelled in frustration as he continued to ram the door.

Aiden took my arm and gently pulled me to him between his legs wrapping his arms around me and holding me to his chest. His gun was once again in his hand. He laid his head on mine.

“It's okay. He won't get through.” he whispered to me trying to calm me, I was breathing in gasps again.

Both of our bodies rocked as Cole pounded the door. Aiden remained unshaken by it and so warm.