Hold on...

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<---Interlude

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There’s something I forgot

How it felt

The first time

I let him in.

Now

Don’t be disgusting

I’m not being literal.

I previously spoke of

His many instances of hugging me right?

Well

It was just that

He’d basically attack me

It’d start from about ten yards away

He’d run

And grab me

He was basically a bear

So there was no way

I could even try to escape

And I didn’t.

You know how people have

The fight or flight response?

I have the freeze.

Or ostrich.

I don’t move

And turn off all of my senses

This is what I did

With him

Every time he did that

Until one day

I told myself to just breathe

Because I was holding my breath

And when I did.

It was a warmth

That seeped straight through my skin

Giving my heart that tickle

That was enough

To recognize that there was

Something there

But not enough of a wake up call

Like the later kiss was.

Anyways

That was the deciding moment

Breathing like that.

Feeling what he was trying to give me

And taking it.

It was that moment

That I got my first taste

Entering

Into what would become

My addiction.

I know that sounds

Ridiculous

But there’s no other word for it.

For a sheltered

Teenage

Ignorant

Uninterested

Uninteresting

Little girl

He was as close to drugs

As I ever got.

And you know

It was probably worse too. 

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That Thing. You Hate it Too.--->