Poison

<---Previous Post

Here you go! :D

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Whir-whir.

It took me a minute as I slowly came into conscious to realize what I was hearing was the heater. My eyes opened hesitantly, the black around them fading gradually like a camera lens. I shifted my legs against my comforter, wanting instantly to go back asleep but too awake now to—I flung my blanket off and sat up then immediately fell onto the pillow again. My head was throbbing, no, pulsating. I almost cried out as the dizziness settled, but once it did I noticed the weight of my own body, the ache, along with the complete disgust in the idea of food. I grabbed one of the extra pillows and put it over my eyes. I felt like I'd had about ten too many beers which followed an induced stumble into the street that ended with me plastered to the front of a semi going eighty.

I was pretty sure I hadn't been drinking last night. I had gone for a drive and was kidnapped by Thom, but he was—not dead. I'd seen the photos. The cops wanted to know if I'd intentionally convinced him to kill himself. I hadn't, but I might as well have. Yet, I'd seen him last night.

How did that make sense?

I recalled his eyes: dark, red, and animalistic; his tendency to move while I blinked, and then his teeth. A chill trickled from my spine to each of my limbs and my hand darted to my neck. My fingers burned from my skin and I pulled away. A steady pain radiated from the spot on my throat where I'd been bitten by the other one.

The other what? What were they?

I was fighting my logic as hard as I could, but the harder my neck throbbed, the louder the word seemed in my head.

Vampires.

Blood ghouls. Night stalkers. Blood suckers.

I resisted the urge to touch my wound again. Had that—man drank my blood? Had he tried to kill me?

Then why was I in my bed?

The pain increased to such a degree that I hissed so I wouldn't groan. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I rolled out of bed, clumsily, shakily and stumbled my way to the bathroom, it wasn't far at all—less than ten steps from my bed, but I kept needing to stop and grab whatever was nearby to keep from collapsing. I knocked things over on my desk and nearly slid to the floor trying to grab the wall before I got a good grasp on the doorway of the bathroom. When I fumbled for the light I instantly regretted it. The light, normally dim in my memory, was so bright, my eyes were watering before I could turn it off again. I buried my face into the towel hanging under the light switch trying to calm my breathing and dry my face.

After a moment, I slowly pulled the towel away, letting my eyes adjust before I tried to look around. A little light drifted into the bathroom from the draped window, reflecting off of the wall and to the mirror then back again. It was enough for me to take in my reflection.

I definitely looked hung over. The bags under my eyes made their dark irises look even smaller than normal, my skin pasty, my body hunched over. My neck was the worse. There was no wound, not a trace, no small red dots to show any kind of puncture marks, but my veins were raised, completely inflamed covering most of my neck. I tugged at my shirt to see how far it spread. The ruby threads had begun a steady crawl over my collar bone, a few touching the top of my breast, like tracks small creatures leave behind in the mud. They were heading straight for my heart.

I crashed out of the bathroom as best as I could and began stumbling down the hall.

"Mom!" I called, slipping on the stairs from the socks still on my feet.

I saw her head rise from its tilt over a book as she sat on the couch.

"Oh, you're up." She closed her book with a careful surety.

I grasped the rail at the bottom of the steps to hold me up. "Mom." I breathed again.

She was getting up slowly from the couch, not really looking at me, but looking stern.

"The police brought you home last night, passed out." I knew that voice. It was her "what would the neighbors think" voice.

"I know Mom, I—"

"Do you think that's appropriate?" Her eyebrows raised and so did her voice a few octaves, then she looked at me. "Hmm?" Her glare was enough to make me want to scream, she was looking right at me. Could she not see my neck?

I squeezed my mouth shut. There was no way she was going to lecture me for something completely bogus while I was dying.

She locked gazes with me, but neither of us budged, that's the pesky thing about genes.

"Fine." She exasperated quietly. "We will talk when you're not hung over. I'll get you something to eat."

"Mom, wait –"she ignored me and continued her trek to the kitchen. Clearly, she wasn't going to listen to me. Fine, I'd drive myself to the hospital.

I was glad to find my purse and keys right where they were supposed to be along with my moccasins, but my car wasn't. It wasn't in the garage and when I hobbled outside I didn't find it in the driveway or on the street either.

"Kae?"

I turned to see my neighbor, James standing in his own driveway. We'd gone to high school together and we were never really friends, but we were friendly. He'd always been especially kind to me.

"James. I need your help." I began to make my way toward him when I stumbled on the lawn. When I thought my hands would hit the grass, I stopped falling.

"Whoa." James said softly, holding me up carefully. "You okay?"

"No." I strained, then clenched my teeth, suddenly hit with a wave of pain in my head, light hurt again. I felt myself lowered to the grass and didn't care to object. Hopefully, he was smart enough to call 9-1-1. I didn't really know.

"Stay right here." He murmured hurriedly.

I crushed my palms against my eyes and groaned and stayed where I was. I thought the pain would lessen if I just sat here, but it steadily increased. "James?" I moaned too soft for myself to hear, it was hardly a whimper.

I heard the crunch of shoes on grass as James said, "Smell this."

I inhaled, strangely obedient.

Garlic?

My stomach instantly clenched and I gasped, flying forward onto my knees. I felt James shielding me, one of his hands wrapping around my hair, the other on the small of my back. My ears started ringing and then I began to vomit.

I don't know how long I knelt there chucking everything I had and even what I didn't, but I could have sworn I heard James as he rubbed my back say, "There you go. Let all of that venom out."

I'd finally started to stop, trying to catch my breath against James legs when I heard the sirens. I glimpsed my mother standing with her arms crossed in the driveway before an ambulance and then a cop car came to a calm stop in front of us. 

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Next-->

Thom

 <---Previous Love Me Dead Post

Here's something to satisfy you. :)

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I thought she would cry for me.

I mean, I'd hoped she would, just a little.

The table was cool. At least Thom knew it was supposed to be; he was able to recall the feeling like ice against his human skin. Now it felt no different from his cheek. The metallic scent pervaded his nose like someone had sprayed too much perfume, but it had a touch of purity to it, like water. He raised his head from the steel slab and quickly observed the dim, small room. It looked much like an interview room: a single overhead light, a table in the center, two chairs; one on either side. Thom occupied one; the other was intended for whoever was going to interrogate him. Not that Thom had ever been arrested for any reason before, but he'd watched crime shows from time to time.

There was a movement and Thom's eyes locked onto the one way glass in front of him. He could tell how thick it was, at least a foot in depth, which probably made it indestructible considering the shallow gashes here and there all over its surface. Something had tried to do it serious damage, and failed.

Whoever was on the other side of the glass walked to the door next to it, turning the knob.

"Where's Kaelyn?" Thom hissed just as the door opened a crack.

The man said nothing; he was scrawny, but not weak. Thom could see that much with a quick scan up his length, but his eyes held a knowledge, a wisdom. Thom couldn't begin to fathom its origin.

The man gripped the second chair leaning forward slightly.

"Calm down. I know that at your new age your moods are eccentric and intense, but you can control them."

He kept his gaze locked with Thom until Thom realized that his hands were digging into the table, his fingertips stinging. He released it clumsily, brushing his hands on his pants. His fingertips were singed, there must have been silver under the surface.

"We'll work on that." The man mumbled as he slowly sat in the chair.

Every movement he'd done up to this point hadn't seemed abnormal to Thom, but this seemed strangely slow.

A Styrofoam cup appeared in front of Thom, he missed how it got there, but it smelled warm familiar, almost like—but it wasn't. "What is that?" Thom sneered.

"A heated blood synthetic." The man answered. "We often refer to it as hot Kool-Aid. Little joke." The man didn't laugh, didn't even smile. Thom didn't flinch.

It didn't smell necessarily appealing, but not bad either. Thom didn't want it, but he picked up the cup and took a sip. Like he thought, he could drink more. It tasted like it wanted to be blood, but definitely wasn't like artificial sugar tried so hard to taste sweet. He knew he needed it, but only gave into that need so he didn't kill anyone later—in the name of food anyway.

"My name is Derek, Thomas." The man, now Derek said, but didn't offer his hand. Smart man. "Kaelyn is fine and you'll see that for yourself soon enough. I'll bet by that time you won't want to though."

Thom downed the rest of the drink and then slammed the cup on the table sending a definite thump through the room, crushing the cup into a small circle of what now looked like paper.

Derek's eyes moved to the cup, then to Thom's face. "You have a lot of fear and a lot of rage, but there's also a determination." His hand moved forward and he grasped the remains of the cup between his index and middle finger then dropped it nonchalantly into the nearby trashcan. "We're going to harness that determination. We're going to get you in control of your body, of your nature, of your desires and anything else that stops you from living like you want to."

(Thom knew he wasn't just offering him a free platter, there had to be something he wanted.)

Derek leaned forward and lowered his voice to a whisper, "I know this isn't an existence you chose. I can't rid you of it, unless death is what you want, but I can help you take advantage of it and possibly get revenge if you desire, as long as you help us."

Ah the catch. "And how would I do that?"

A smile appeared on Derek's face. "Oh, I think you'll like this part."

Not Dead Yet

Hey all. 

Just so you know...I haven't died, but I can't say I'm alright. The past ten months have taken a larger toll out of me than I could have expected and my mental health is greatly suffering because of it. I am trying to take care of it, but it is proving to be more difficult to acquire the correct help than one would think. Still, the beginning of a solution is in sight. I'm not going to go into too many details because none of you need to be bogged down with my worries, but just to comfort you, it's more frustrating than life-threatening. I have people doing their best to help me with everyday since many things have become difficult, but I don't have too much trouble entertaining myself.

So, to entertain you as well, I'm sending you to places that make me laugh. :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/juliansmith87

http://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW

http://www.youtube.com/user/Ninjabridge

http://www.youtube.com/user/TeamFourStar

http://www.youtube.com/user/Tobuscus

Hope you enjoy! There are several other things sitting in my Favorites on Youtube, but we'll start here.

Sorry my creative flows are taking a hit. I'll keep trying!

<3

Like a Villain

So...

He's terrified of me.

And I can't help but find that absolutely hilarious and empowering.

The thing with this type of fear is that it's clear evidence of his guilt. He did something wrong and he knows it. As do I. My pain is proof in itself of what he'd done, but he hasn't seen it. Never will. And my pain will fade. It's going to take a long time and many slow steps forward, but it will cease. He can't get rid of his guilt. There is absolutely nothing he can do. It wasn't accidental or unintentional. He made a choice knowing the consequences of his actions. Maybe someday he'll gain the courage to attempt to apologize. I'd accept it, because that's the kind of person I am, but nothing will change. I doubt this will happen anyway. He's always been a self-serving coward and that's something not easily changed in a person. It would take something really drastic. That said, he's clearly taking himself down a path of self-destruction and if there is a day that he wakes up, it's highly likely he'll find himself somewhere he can't escape from.

And I pity him.

Regardless. Seeing his guilt so nakedly on his face kind of made my week. The more I think about it the more I laugh. He just handed over any power he had over me and if I ever face him again, even though I'm sure I will be terrified it will be relatively easy for me to stand tall. And I may not be able to resist sarcasm.

So I laugh at his fear. Maniacally. Much like Ursala when she finally gets her hands on the trident. ~~(o.o)~~(that's an octopus) ...>.>

ANYWAYS.

Okay. Fear.

I have my own fears. Some of the worst (though I swear any of these things has NEVER happened to me) are my fears of being bound, tied-up, or restrained in some way so that I can't move my limbs. I can almost guarantee that if this happened for longer than thirty seconds I'd have a panic attack. That and I really dislike big ships on the ocean that sink. THEY ALL DO. Still, one thing I cannot handle is ghosts. I don't care if you think they're real or not. Don't talk to me about it. I don't like them. I believe that they're a high possibility especially for those that have had tragic deaths, especially suicides of dark people. These violent delights have violent ends...

So yesterday a dear friend was showing me an old game that is all about ghosts and it scared the shit out of me and I had to stop playing. All I did was turn on the TV. The damn ghost didn't have to come and shove me, OKAY! We had to give me NyQuil to knock me out paired with the need to soften some real pain so that I could sleep. There you go karma, happy? I got my healthy dose of fear--the end.

Other than my villainous moments, I'm being a good girl. No, unfortunately I haven't been writing, but I've been trying to find a job and have been working hard at that as well as putting my best foot forward to exercise like I haven't done in three years. (Go me!)

So life is moving even the pieces of my heart and sanity that I've had to shove away are being rustled slowly but surely. It's just a little at a time. :)

Best of luck to you all and safety as summer becomes more ominous! The temperatures are rising! ;)

‘Til Death Do Us Part

<--Previous Post

Hey all. This is my next little snippet for Love Me Dead. It's very short and I wrote it sort of a while ago. I will hopefully have more soon!

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Waking up in pitch black is like getting turned on your head. It feels wrong, disorienting, and you can hardly breathe. I was lying on my side, my one arm falling asleep sending sharp tingles like electricity to my neck. I could taste the wood in my breath and feel the unyielding planks against my back. I could feel the knots forming already along my shoulders and spine. That was the only information I needed.

I inhaled again as I tried to fight the fear and smelled the death and dirt. That did it. Tears swelled in my eyes and I tried to stifle my sob.

I was in my coffin, my grave, and I would die here.

Someone would find my car abandoned on the side of the road, if at all, with the fingerprints of a dead man on the handle. Someone would call my parents. They would blame themselves for not talking to me. My mom would never forgive herself for letting me leave and Lance wouldn't understand; just like he hadn't when Thom died. They would probably try to be cute and bury me next to him, but this there won't be a body this time. They wouldn't even know that the other grave is just as empty.

I couldn't stop myself from wanting to open my eyes as wide as I could to keep the darkness from seeping in. That's what death was: darkness—cold lifelessness.

I started moving my arm to wipe my face when it brushed against something. Something that was definitely not wood. I held my breath and tentatively patted whatever was next to me with my fingertips. Jeans. That was definitely jeans and there was definitely flesh behind them. Cold, dead flesh.

Thom.

He came for me like I knew he would and this was his revenge. Together forever. That's what he'd always said.

I was going to suffocate, starve and go insane. Whichever came first would be the drop. I had enough sense to know that I would go through agonizing hours, but I hoped the finale didn't hurt and that there would be nothing after.

This thought crossed my mind just as Thom's arm, chilled and slithering, ran along my waist, up my back and around the back of my neck like a teasing noose.

The scream the exploded from me wasn't anything I ever would have expected from myself. I was sure it was nothing I could reproduce on command. As it hit the walls of the coffin, going nowhere else and dying into silence, I couldn't help but scream louder, if that was even possible.

As my scream began to fade, light burst into my vision. Before I knew what was happening I was on my feet, in the grasp of hands like frozen steel, meeting a gaze more violet than blue that was quickly gone again.

"FOOL!"

When the eyes disappeared so did that hands that had been holding me. I staggered for a moment before I found my footing just in time to see the coffin I had just been in flip over with a crash.

Thom sprang out of what seemed to be nowhere in front of the coffin which now lay on its side, the lid splayed open against the wall.

A small growl rolled its way out of Thom as his eyes fell on me. Any moment and he would spring.

"I told you I wouldn't give you any orders unless I didn't have any other choice and this is specifically what I ordered you not to do."

A stone-gray arm was thrust toward me and I followed its length to a head of hair that was a somewhere between white, gray, and silver. The type you'd see on people like Richard Greer. There was always something strangely attractive about it no matter how old they were.

"I had to disobey." Thom hissed, his eyes trained on the silver-haired man ready for the slightest movement.

The man didn't move from his position between us even though it was clear that Thom was much bigger than him, but it was like that for everyone when it came to Thom.

A small, chilling chuckle came from the stranger. "That's the thing, Thom." Then he turned his head and his vibrant eyes fell on me again as his mouth fell into a deep from. "Now you've forced my hand."

Glittering fangs appeared from his mouth and I had enough time to gasp before they were in my throat.

People always describe pain like being pierced by hot daggers. This wasn't hot at all, but ice cold, sending goose bumps down the length of my body. It was the last thing I registered before I passed out.

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Next Post----> 

The Rose at the End of this Book…

<--Previous Post

NEW POST! FINALLY!!!! *collapses* This is for Beast ladies and gents and it is what would be the end of the first book. :) Heeheehee. Nothing is really that spoiled so no worries and I'm sorry I couldn't get myself to produce anything in between. Deal with it. :P Let me know what you think!!

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I waited.

I paced the house until my legs shook. I stared at the door, silently screaming at it to open. I nearly puked as the clock chimed twelve, one, two.

Axel's car rumbled to a stop outside and I crashed out the door nearly running into him at the steps. His arms immediately went around me and he lifted me inside. I clung to his neck as hot tears filled my eyes. He was here. He was okay.

His eyes were looking away, distant, and filled with a cold resolve. Then it hit home. I knew what he had done. The choice he'd had to make and I wish I could have stopped him, but again, there wasn't anything I could have done and nothing I can do to fix it.

I must have started crying because Axel was suddenly holding me tighter and hushing me. "I'm fine. It's okay." He kept repeating over and over.

I wanted to say I was sorry, that it was all my fault, that he wasn't alone. But it wouldn't mean a thing. I couldn't save him from this. No one could.

I felt his cheek on mine as he continued to try and comfort me, but I wasn't the one that needed comforting. He was taking care of me when I should have been taking care of him.

That thought stopped the tears almost abruptly and a few deep breaths set me right. I wiped my face then put my forehead on his. He was wary. He still hadn't gotten used to my crying.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine." He said again, but his eyes didn't convince me.

"You're not hurt?" I whispered, my lips grazing his.

His breath caught, then came out slowly as he sedated my fears. "No."

"You were worried." He stated, testing the words at the same time.

I started to answer, but his mouth on mine stopped the sound in my throat. He'd intended it to be short, a gesture of gratefulness, but before he could pull away my fingers found his hair and I was holding him to me. Then I kissed him back, making each kiss longer, deeper.

I could feel his hesitation, but I didn't stop. Then I felt his heat. His kisses became stronger instead of rougher. His fingers pressed against my flesh like he was trying to feel me there instead of pierce me. When his hands rested on my hips he pulled his mouth away.

"Fayre?" He was scared, his wide eyes told me as much. I put my hand over his heart and felt it racing just as hard as mine was, but that was the only change. The air wasn't shimmering around him, he wasn't tensing from pain, no fur or claws or fangs just skin, hands, lips and heat.

I gave him a reassuring smile while putting my hands on his face and I kissed him again, more tenderly than I had a moment before.

"It's okay." I whispered, then I pressed my body against him.

Axel made a noise then that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper. Faster than I could have expected, he lifted me and wrapped my legs around him. He kissed me again with less hesitation.

I felt the room shift around us and I opened my eyes to see Axel lower us onto the bed. His hands moved from my legs to my hips as his lips moved to my neck. Then he pulled my shirt to my waist and kissed the lines of my stomach. With each second I could feel his smile widen and his joy increase. It radiated from him just as much as his desire was. When his fingers traced from the skin of my waist to my hips again, I couldn't take it anymore and fumbled for his shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it aside. I ran my fingers over the muscles on his back and shoulders then a shiver ran through both of us. He looked up with a smile so wide it almost seemed unnatural on his face, his eyes so full of light and hope, I couldn't help but smile back. Then I pulled his face back to mine.

I lay across his chest listening to his heart as he stroked my hair absently. Axel pulled the covers over my shoulders a little more as the slight chill settled in now that we'd cooled off. I snuggled a little more into his neck feeling sleep grope at me.

Axel kissed my head and left his lips by my ear.

"I love you." He whispered.

And I fell asleep before I could answer him.

 

Axel opened his eyes slowly as gray light swept the room and he immediately noted the difference. He'd just had the best night of his life—for many reasons—but significantly, he'd had an uninterrupted sleep. No nightmare had plagued him or shook him awake. There was no sense of despair and he wasn't alone. Fayre breathed softly next to him. Her shoulder rose and fell with each breath, a ray of soft light resting on it making it glow more than it already seemed to.

He wanted nothing more than to gently wake her to more fully have her company and to occupy her time again, but he'd made this decision before he'd come home last night. Even with what happened between them, it didn't change what he had to do.

Within the next hour Axel had really short platinum blonde hair, green contacts, a cut off leather jacket and black jeans. He got into his car with a backpack full of essentials, but mostly cash. He forced himself not to look into the rearview mirror as he drove away before the sun rose over the top of the house and called him back.

I noticed the red rose on his pillow before I noticed how cold the half of the bed where he'd been was. There was no question as to what it meant and I swallowed the tears before they came. The note next to the sweet smelling flower was on a small note card like the ones next to the phone in the kitchen. I turned over onto my back before I read it.

        I'll send you a rose when I can to let you know that I am safe… 



Special Agent Connor Mason waited with stiff breath as a crew and a truck pulled Axel Bane's red Corvette out of the canal. It had about as many miles as speeding tickets, but wouldn't be going anywhere else now. The more of the car that came out of the water, the more it was evident that it wouldn't be on the road again. The vehicle must have been going as fast as it could—a good 200 miles an hour—when it hit that water and the impact had left the front completely crushed. Any one inside would definitely be dead.

Connor couldn't help but hope at least a little that the owner was inside.

He'd just finished looking over the body of the college's theatre professor Derek Ashman's corpse. The body had been just like the girls, except a little less sloppy. The bastard had gotten more skilled. He'd just called out a bolo on Bane when he got the radio about the car.

He tried not to run over to wreck when it was safely on land. Pacing, Connor stood back as they pried the door open. One of the workers shot him a worried gaze, but didn't wave over the EMT on site.

Connor stomped forward, his feet crunching the gravel like eggshells as he yanked on his gloves. He peered in the inside of the car and there was no body inside. The windows where mostly intact and the door had definitely been shut when they pulled it out of the water, so no one could have escaped. Still, it had ended up going that fast somehow. Connor's eyes rested on the underside of the seat where a large rock with a bungee cord twisted around it was embedded in the metal and fabric.

He took a step back from the car, lips tight, using all of his will power not to yank the rock out of its new casing and tossing it back in the water.

Taking his radio out of its holster, he put it to his mouth. "The vehicle was rigged to hit the canal. He wasn't inside."

"Ten-four." One of his team answered.

"DAMNIT!" Connor hollered once he'd returned the radio to his belt so he wouldn't be tempted to throw it. The crew ignored him as they continued their work and he rushed back to his SUV. 



I slunk out of bed and put on the royal blue nightgown that was hanging in the closet then took both the rose and note with me to the kitchen smelling the rose as I went.

If you don't get one for a whole month then I've probably been caught. The FBI will let you know of that before then, I'm sure.

A vase full of water was already sitting on the counter when I got into the kitchen and I delicately set the rose inside it. I mumbled my thanks.

I'm not running. I just have some things to take care of, but I have to not get caught before I finish, so don't try to find me or help me. All you can do is stay safe and don't lose faith in me. The house will take care of you and when I come back everything will be taken care of.

I found the stove lighter and held the note over the sink as the flames started curling around the corner.

"Whatever you're doing Axel…it sure as hell looks like you're running and that just makes you look guilty."

I ran water over the ashes watching the water catch and take them away like logs on a river heading towards a waterfall.

"Dumb ass." 



A car only blew past every thirty minutes or so on the dusty back road surrounded by more dirt with an occasional yellow weed even in this murky weather. None of them paid Axel any mind which suited him just fine. He wasn't trying to hitch-hike anyway. He walked with his backpack over one should and one hand in his pocket. The sun had just gotten high enough to get out of his eyes. He'd already gained a decent amount of ground over any law enforcement to not rush, but he still had a long road to tread.

Strawberries

Sam, don't let this upset you. It's not its intention because I don't hold it against anyone. I wrote this when I got home that night and it was just how I was feeling. Kay, sweetie? Love you both!

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A bowl and a fork

Sliced strawberries and a pile of sugar

I don't sit but lean

Dipping each piece in the sugar just enough to hide the bitterness 

I'm tired.

Each piece caresses my tongue in sweetness

It really hurt

But maybe only because it wasn't the first time. 

Teeth scrape lightly against the fork and I pause

Just long enough to clear the metallic taste

And pierce another morsel

It is more bitter than the last

Unwanted

Sometimes it is just a word.

The tears start

I take a deep breath

They stay there in the corner of my eyes

One last slice

A small bit of sugar remains like frost

The fork sits in the empty bowl alone

Then I sit

With dry eyes

And write

Unwanted

Unwanted

Unwanted

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Okay guys, I'm sorry everything's been depressing lately. I've been going through a lot of stress. I'll face my demons soon though. :) I have an idea for a short story that I'll hopefully get to work on soon! Be patient!

Update on the Heart

I know this may seem pretentious and possibly somewhat dramatic and/or insane, but this is something I've been thinking about a lot especially lately. Not that one event caused these thoughts; things just seem to line up that way for me.

I've used the term evil before in Luck, Fate and the Whole Gang Part 2 and I essentially mean it in the same way or am further addressing the comment I made, but only a little.

I was feeling cheated for a while. By him? Yes and no. I was feeling like whatever evil has a hold of him took my soul mate away. That's not really true. The more time that goes by, the more I notice. The more little details reveal themselves as the signs that I chose to ignore.

It was like this from the beginning. He never really cared.

So that's that really. It sucks.

I loved, but never was loved.

I'll find an answer eventually even if it's just facing him somehow. Part of me wants to, just to have the chance to react. To either ignore him, show him how pathetic he is, or flat out punch him in the face.

Still, I know I don't need to do anything to cause him pain. He's going to ruin his own life all by himself and take down anyone close to him as well.

Even though I understand all of this, I'm concerned that I'm not facing my feelings. That I unintentionally put them away before they emerged and that they're slowly building and will eventually explode.

It's a work in progress guys. Time isn't allowing for soul searching. I have homework and reading and essays due weekly and what time I do have I want to spend enjoying myself not wallowing and depleting my energy that I need to pass in school. But I intend to grow this summer.

I haven't been able to find the time, the energy, or the inspiration to write creatively for you guys, but I want to. :/ Something will hit me eventually. Meanwhile, I'll read for pleasure so that my powers don't disappear.

(I should update my Book and Movie posts...but I'm lazy. You all know that. Haha.)

Good luck to you all! Relish this lovely spring weather and send laughter to the sky!!

Things I Like

Don't ask me why I felt suddenly like doing a post of this sort...but I am so :P to you. 

I like dogs. Particularly any with an expressive face or kind demeanor.

I like birds. Lovebirds and Parakeets are my favorite, but I have a tender place or keen interest for most. I have a strange infatuation with crows, ravens, hawks and falcons as well.

I like cats. Nothing specific. Some are just fun. :P

I like blue butterflies. This one type (picture), but I can't seem to find a consistant name. :/

On that note. I like most things blue. Blue eyes, cars, the sky... 

Camaro's are my secret lovers. Of the 70's variety. I'm currently working on a '78. ;) (Yeah, I do that too!) I also have a love for Corvettes, Mustangs, Firebirds, and a '67 Impala. 

I like trees, vines, fields, the ocean, roses, forests, plains, and rain clouds. 

I like small towns and old architecture, especially the type you'll find in Gothic Europe. 

I like videogames. RPG's. Most just kill as much as you can games I get bored with quickly. Some of the ones you'll find me on are Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy VII, Assassin's Creed, .hack//G.U., Zelda, Guitar Hero and Rockband. ('CUZ I'M A FREEEEEEBIRD!!) 

I like angels and demons; expecially art and sculpture that depict them.

I like piano and acoustic guitar music. Along with rock, classic rock, metal, alternative, some punk, very little country, and even littler(heehee) pop. A few select hip hop, but absolutely no rap.

I like contemporary dance...well most kinds of dance. :) 

I like lions, tigers and PANDA BEARS! (Surprised you just a little, eh?)

I like Anime/Manga. Or Anime that was originally good Manga and that stuck with the intended story. For example: Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist/Brotherhood, Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, some Bleach, D.N. Angel MANGA (Anime was like death.), Yu-Gi-Oh! (The original and paying attention to the background story, not the card games. Replace the cards with swords or guns and we have an AMAZING hit.) 

I like modeling and all of the crazy clothes, costumes and makeup that go with it. :) If I could for fun I would model (or try to). Love America's Next Top Model. Tyra is AWESOME. Love photography and films and most art. 
I like shopping. Clothes that are somewhat dramatic, well, mostly elegant or "rockereske" that are flattering and high heeled boots. 

I like theater and musicals. 

I like smiley faces and laughter. 

I like babies and old couples. New couples are nice too, though tend to either make me envious or gagilicious. 

AND HOLY CRAP I LOVE PUPPIES! I like...die...whenever I see one. 

I like tender moments and clever hilarity from unexpected authority figures like teachers or actors during a serious interview. 

I like dramatic TV shows. Supernatural, White Collar, Nikita, Bones, Covert Affairs. The only one I don't watch closely would be Bones. 
I like Disney! :D It's just one of those happy things. Favorites are: Beauty and the Beast, Tangled, The Lion King, Atlantis and Treasure Planet. 

I like psychology. The workings of the mind thoroughly intrigue me and I love understanding it. 

I like weddings. I've already repeatedly searched for a wedding dress for me. 

I like food. (Who doesn't?) 

I like green nature, even the weed overgrowth in my backyard.

I like simple fun, ridiculous tangents, making silly noises for no reason and talking in dinosaur. 

I like rain and water on hot pavement.

I like silence, peace, the solitude of a sunrise and the smell of fresh morning dew especially after spending the night on the phone with someone special.

I suppose I could go on, but this is getting painfully extensive and veering to another tangent. Hopefully this didn't bother you and maybe you got more of a glimpse or understanding of who I am. :) 

Talk to y'all later!

Something Beautiful

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

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